Monthly Archives: April 2016

Updates from the Couchside, Vol. V

I’m still waiting for a start date for the job I supposedly landed.  I say supposedly because they called me some time ago and said, “Hi, we’d like to offer you a job” and I said, “Great!” and then they said, “Ok, we’ll be in touch, don’t call us we’ll call you…” and now it’s been about two and a half weeks. I hope they call soon; I bought new shoes so I need an office to wear them to.

In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out how can fit “going into work” in my surprisingly busy unemployed schedule. Seriously, I have learned to fill up my days without wasting time watching TV or napping. Sure there is the occasional afternoon where I enjoy a cocktail at 3:00pm but for the most part I’m pretty productive.

I have continued to work out every morning and I’ve even managed to do a burpee or two but I still hate them, oh how I hate them.  I’ve even lost a couple pounds but in the true spirit of self-destructiveness I am planning a weekend getaway this weekend where I’ll probably undue almost all of the work that I have made. Do what you know, you know?

I’ve learned how to make quinoa, I’m pretty sure this means I’m a hipster now. I should probably look into getting new frames for my glasses.

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Wherein I talk about exercise. Yes, exercise.

Six days ago I decided to sign up for a 14-day trial at a local fit tribe center, not a gym but one of those places where they only have group classes closely monitored by personal trainers, the kind of gym where it’s impossible to phone it in. Unlike the last time I joined a gym and I just spent my lunch hours watching Sex and the City while I walked on the tread mill for 30 minutes, barely ever breaking a sweat. No, this place makes me sweaty and doesn’t allow me to sit down when I get tired.

It’s the perfect kick in the ass I need to get myself back into my jeans, not my skinny jeans, I mean back in my jeans period. Apparently two months of sitting at my kitchen table sending out resumes has made me even more flabby and out of shape that I normally am, and quite frankly that’s really saying something.

So, I went every day this past week. Every day! Two mornings I was even awake and dressed at 5:30 to attend the 6:00 class. Anyone who knows me knows that this is unusual behavior. Usually the only time I’m up that early is to either go to the airport or because I drank too much the night before and forgot to take water to bed with me.

So I really feel like I’ve thrown myself into this whole exercise thing and the problem is that I haven’t lost any weight. Sure there was the day that I came home from the class so hungry that I ate an entire bag of Cadbury mini eggs while I waited for the cheese on my sandwich to melt but come on a pound or two would be super motivational now. You know?

For this reason, I’ve gotten pretty discouraged, honestly just getting up at 5:30 let alone doing anything I think deserves a reward in itself. But I did feel somewhat vindicated yesterday while we were cooling down in class I was able to do a push up. This might not seem remarkable but the last time I remember being able to do a push up I’m pretty sure I was in junior high. And not only that, I did the first one so successfully that I tried it again – I did four more before it was time to move on to burpees, which I can’t do – burpees are ridiculous.

By next Friday I better be able to do a burpee – or five.

excerise

Updates from the Couchside, Vol IV

Yesterday I scheduled a mammogram, for myself  (not as a favor to my grandmother or anything),  it’s weird to be this old. Last night I had dinner with someone 30 years older than I am, she told me I didn’t know anything, that I was just a baby. I sure hope she’s right – in 30 years I hope to know a whole lot more than I know now. Also, I suppose I’ll have 30 more mammograms under my belt, or boobs I guess. I don’t know a lot about what’s involved but I’m pretty sure it focuses on the boobs.

Also, yesterday I may or may not have received a job offer, I got an email that seems very positive but I won’t get excited about anything until I have an offer letter in my hand, signed by somebody with a real pen and everything. If anyone is still hoping to offer me large sums of money to stay at home and continue my couchside updates – now is the time to contact me.

Today I attempted to change our beds over from winter to summer mode (duvets replaced by freshly laundered bed spreads). I spent 4 hours this morning tearing the house apart for the sheets for Lucy’s bed – you know the requisite white ones with the tiny pink roses on them. How can I lose an entire set of sheets? It’s not like I take them out for drives or anything, I’m pretty sure I never left them at chick fil a. I finally gave up and went out and bought new sheets (spending money like I really did get the job… seems like an excellent way to jinx myself)*. I have the new sheets in the washer right now and I’m just sitting here waiting for the old ones to surface – I feel like this should happen before the sun sets tonight.

It was supposed to rain today, like rain rain – I sent Lucy to school this morning in rain boots, a raincoat, carrying an umbrella… The sun has been out since lunch time and not a single drop has fallen – I’m going to start dressing her like this everyday!

*As does just writing about it here