I would definitely not recommend this restaurant. The proprietor is surly, sarcastic and (I’m pretty sure) drunk. All of the surfaces are sticky and the food is not just bad but teaming with cat and dog hair. I was served undercooked hotdogs with cocktail sauce despite the giant crate of ketchup sitting in the corner of the dining room. Once finished my “meal” I was informed that I had to do my own dishes as well as those sitting next to the sink. Despite all of my hard work I was presented with an outrageous bill at the end and told that I had to pay… in wine.
Becca’s day 45 pandemic diner menu
Breakfast: Cereal, but really it’s just the end of 3 bags. I call it stale cinnamon toast crunch raisin bran cheerios surprise. The surprise is that you have to eat it dry because I need the last of the milk for my coffee.
Lunch: BLT – no wait just a BT um… this tomato isn’t very good and there isn’t any bacon. Here – have this bowl of mayo but lick it slow it’s all there is until dinner.
Dinner: hot dogs on white bread – we are out of ketchup though your condiment choices include cocktail sauce or red Thai curry paste. The hot dog will be served with a side of bag salad – you need to pick out the good stuff, there is no dressing.
Dessert: What now?
I have lost track of what day it is – I only know if it’s a work day or a non-work day, last week I got excited for Friday but then I couldn’t remember why… My bangs have still not grown out long enough to tuck behind my ears and I’m thinking of just covering all the mirrors in the house with heavy black fabric.
I have started walking five miles a day – for both exercise and escape. I’ have been doing this consistently for a week now and have managed to gain 4 pounds. Four pounds! This seems wildly unfair especially since I haven’t changed any of my eating habits.
I’ve been having a lot of strange coronavirus related dreams – including one night when I discovered that the Keebler elves had created a vaccine and I had to go get it from them, it was hard because I barely fit inside that tree.
I have started some weird habits since being home, for instance I make my bed every day. Every day – I have never done this before, I will miss it when the world resumes a semblance of normalcy. I have also cut down on the amount of coffee I drink – it seems to only take me half of what it used to to get me going, probably all of that energy I had to exert putting on pants.
Rules for online shopping during the Pandemic:
– Pay attention to the quantity of what you are purchasing. I now own enough ketchup and popcorn to last the rest of our lives
– Abstain from constantly refreshing your order summary in Amazon to see when items will arrive – this will drive you crazy. Everything takes a long time.
– The more puzzles you buy the more puzzles you will be forced to put together
– If you buy enough books you can use them to build a prepper bunker in your backyard
– Literally all of these things can be avoided if you don’t shop online while intoxicated.
Here is a list of the April Fools pranks that Jason played on us this morning:
- The coffee cup cabinet was full of plastic Easter eggs that rained down on my head at 6:00am
- Lucy’s toilet paper roll was taped together with packing tape
- All of the keys on my keyboard were popped off and put back on alphabetically
- Lucy’s bathroom sink was taped closed
- The bottom of my optical mouse was taped with packing tape
- The default language on Lucy’s iPad was set to Spanish
Clearly this man needs some hobbies (and less packing tape).