This afternoon I came home from work, completely exhausted from my day. Lucy was having a melt down because another kid in the neighborhood hugged me – hugged me, she was so distraught that I literally had to just throw her over my shoulder and drag her into the house fireman style along with her bag and my bag and a random sampling of dirty coffee mugs from my office and her fuzzy pink hoodie and her favorite teddy bear and Ariel and Ariel’s hairbrush.
I dragged everything and everyone inside, kicked off my shoes, started a pot of boiling water for a quick and easy spaghetti dinner as I broke up a cat fight with my foot and ripped a hole in my stockings. I threatened death to the little kitty if she ate one more unattended stick of butter off the kitchen counter when the doorbell rang.
I was trying to get rid of the reformed crack head selling subscriptions of unpopular magazines as I smelled the unmistakable smell of cat urine. I quickly closed the door and began the hunt for the offending odor just as the water on the stove began boiling over.
I was on my way to take care of that when I heard a life screeching wail from Lucy upstairs, I ran up there as the smoke detector went off, seemingly trying to drown her out.
I discovered Lucy standing on our bed, pants around her ankles, very expensive anti aging nighttime face cream all over her hands from being rubbed in to her private parts, a $40 a bottle of anti aging serum she mistook for butt cream. And you know? Anti aging serum apparently stings really bad when rubbed on sensitive areas.
I swept her off the bed, threw her in the tub with the water running, ran downstairs to stop the infernal smoke detector as my neighbor called to make sure we are all okay.
I took the boiling water that has mostly spilled all over the stove off of the heat as I ordered a pizza, wrapped Lucy up in a silky bathrobe, turned on Dora the Explorer as I resumed the hunt for the rouge cat pee.
Now I’m relaxing with a large cocktail while I fold two loads of laundry…
How was your day?
This poor website is starting to look a lot like the house I live next to – neglected, abandoned and empty for going on seven years… poor little website has grass growing up between it’s bricks.
I do apologize, especially to those of you that use this platform as a way of feeling better about your own lives when compared to some our our tribulations…
I wish there was a good reason that I have been so neglectful for the past month and a half but like with most things in my life there are no good reasons. We took a family trip to Maine and I had every intention of updating when I returned and regaling you with a photo montage – like I do. And then Lucy turned 37 months old and I had not the stamina nor energy to mark it in any particular sort of way and now she’s pushing 38 months and I still have yet to do anything. In my defense my job is very busy and demands a lot of time so updating at the office is no longer an option and usually when I get home at the end of the day I have all I can do to put on some sweat pants and pour some wine while I drink with my neighbors and wait for my husband to get home and do something about dinner. It’s a tough life.
Here in a classic power point bullet fashion are the highlights you’ve been missing out on:
- Lucy is three and says thing’s like “Mom, I’m not happy with you right now.” And “Mom, I just want to hang out in my room by myself what is your problem?” good times.
- We recently adopted a kitten, a scrawny ally cat off the mean streets on west Philadelphia. I had this crazy notion that Ruka might be lonely and sad without Guinness around and a little kitten to mother might be just the thing her maternal instincts need to placate her in her golden years. I was oh so wrong about so many things.
- We have decided to ready our house to put it on the market, sell it and move to the word of suburbia, but our house is brimming with crap and now most of it smells like cat pee (see second bullet point).
- Work has been nuts and on top of still being new and learning how to deal with my voluminous work load I am now training the newest member of my team (WTS?) They are compensating me for this extra effort with additional time off – if only I had the time to take it.
In other news I went out one night on a Wednesday – it was unprecedented and will most likely not occur again until Halley’s comet loops back around. Today I toured the most amazing house in my most desired location – it was everything I ever wanted in a forever home. It’s priced right and if I know anything about anything from my obsessive real estate research these past couple months it is probably already sold or will be by the time we get our act together and are able to list our house and get approved and write an offer and and and…
I need a nap.