Monthly Archives: October 2011

Let the games begin

I dislike most people. I’m not talking evil people like Gaddafi or Palin although I wouldn’t want to share a Turkish bath with either of them. No, I’m talking about most normal everyday people, they seem to disappoint me quickly and thoroughly – they chew too loud, they misuse the word tedious. It’s rarely anything substantial, I tend to make quick, snap decisions and hardly ever change my mind. For instance:  I was recently befriended by a neighbor until one morning we went out for coffee and she put 8 packets of sugar in hers…UGH.

Because of this…personlity flaw, I have few close friends. It’s a small but elite club.

Fourteen years ago I started a new job and met a man named Jeff and it was a like I had found my long-lost twin – you know if my twin was a gay man who was born ten years before I was. We immediately became friends, we would commiserate about annoying customers over early morning bagels. We were together the day that the police came and carted away our only other coworker, arrested for embezzlement. This arrest got me out of the mailroom and into  a desk right next to my new friend.

Four years after I moved into that desk, I was sitting on Jeff’s patio drinking a vodka cranberry, explaining to him that I had decided to leave San Diego and move back east. He was the first one I told and I remember leaving his house that night saying “I want to stay in touch, years from now when I have a family ‘Uncle Jeff’ can come and visit and tell them stories about a place where it only rains three times a year.” I said this in jest because at the time could not fathom the idea that one day I would be mature enough to have a ‘family’.

In the past ten years there have been only a handful of days when we haven’t ‘spoken’ on one medium or another. Tomorrow, for the first time since I became a Mom, Uncle Jeff is flying in to discover what life is like living with a toddler. It’s going to take a lot of vodka and therapy but I have faith that we are all going to live through it.

I admire his courage.  I am also very glad that he is a quiet chewer.

Deep thoughts on Sesame Street

Things aren’t like they used to be. ..This is not about walking up the hill to school in the snow both ways – although I did do that for a while in third grade, except school was downhill – I walked uphill in the snow to get home and that sucked just as much. No, what I would like to talk about is sesame street and how it’s ruining the youth of today.

When I was a kid Sesame street was a place, a comfortable stomping ground you visited every like day at 10:00 am (I might be getting some of these details wrong.) But my point is, it was a familiar place with familiar people who taught you to spell and count in catchy repeatable rhymes that stuck with you and made you smart. I remember curling up in front on the TV with mashed eggs in a bowl (this was my childhood’s equivalent of egg salad, because my Mom is way TOO smart to ever tell me I was eating salad – thanks Mom) and sing 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 and watch the ball roll around the screen and it was cheesy and fun.

The sesame street of 2011 is barely recognizable anymore, first of all you get no sense that they are on a street or even in a neighborhood – the intro song is basically a rapped out version of the original song (and not in a good way). The whole show is a nightmarish collection of small attention deficit segments where they cut from fairy school to Elmo’s world, back to some inner city play ground. There is no homey feel of muppets hanging out together and learning valuable life lessons from Gordon and Maria – half of it is animated and rarely to you see the best characters at all – you know snuffleupagus and the count (who, by the way, when he is shown  has undergone a serious transformation and barely resembles the count of the late 70’s).

Maybe I’m getting old and jaded – maybe I’m not real good with change (actually I can attest that both of those things statement are completely true.) But, I really think that a lot  the problem with today’s youth and one of the reasons that there are so many of them diagnosed with ADD and put on medication, might just be that  the TV shows they watch have  reduced their attention spans to a miniscule amount. When I was an undergrad I took a communications class where my professor lectured about how the average american adult only really has an attention span of a half hour at most because that’s how long our “shows” are, but what happens when our kids only have to pay attention for 3-5 minutes at a time, what happens when they go to school and their teachers lecture for an hour at a time?

I don’t have any answers. It’s clear I should probably go play outside.

26 days to Feral

I got an email last night that probably means I am going to be receiving a job offer very shortly. My first reaction was mild panic: “Oh my god I have to shower everyday and have serious conversations with working professionals!” “I have to remember how to take public transportation into the city.” “I have to remember how behave myself like an adult and not just play on the floor all day and drink wine before noon.” AAUUUGH

Apparently it only takes 26 days of unemployment for me to become feral and forget how to interact with grown ups and act like an adult. This is good information to have and I’m going to make a note of it now before I forget how to write things down.

I’m completely freaked out, I only hope that my potentially new employer has a nap-time policy.

Welcome to Sticky Jam Hands!

In an effort to keep things new and exciting, I have decided to purchase a real domain and create my “own” site. As easy and simple as was to remember and type, I decided to make it effortless (cause I’m a giver).

Despite our new name, nothing else will change content will still remain 60% pictures of the world’s cutest kid:

World's cutest kid

 And 40% ramblings of a sarcastic nature. For example – I had to call the vet last Friday to make Guinness a reservation for his Christmas get away stay and after being left on hold for about 11 minutes, a woman with no discernible personality picks up and we have the following conversation:

“Yes, Hi I would like to make a reservation for my dog to spend Christmas with you.”
“Ok, is he up to date on all of his shots? Is he taking any medication?”
“Shots definitely, meds I don’t think so, I mean unless he’s managed to score some really good doggie street drugs”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, he is left alone a large majority of the day, who knows what he does to pass the time?”
“Um, nevermind.”

Am I the only one left in this town with a sense of humor?

No One Listens

I think HGTV is sucking the creativity out of me. In case you were wondering where I have been, it’s been all about trying to figure out paint colors and how to turn a spanish revival into a sleek modern materpeice and very little about thinking of new posts to write. I know, I totally suck.

What I should do is turn off the television, unfortunatly, I have recently injured my left ankle and I am something of a prisoner of the couch. I keep asking Guinness to bring me new coffee and pick up the remote control that fell onto the floor but he just looks at me in confusion.

Who me?
It’s hard to find good help.

Newsletter: Month 14

Dear Lucy,

I have started playing music for you while you eat, I started out with the classics – Mozart and Gershwin with a little 1812 overture throw in from time to time.  But soon we were exploring everything my iPod has to offer and it’s become clear that you favorite is Elvis. It’s easy to tell when you like any music because you started to wiggle your butt and do a little dance, it doesn’t matter if you are strapped into your high chair you still do it anyway.

Doll Baby

You are up to 9 teeth and can chew a remarkably wide variety of food – I still think fish is your favorite, but it’s hard to say, you get excited by many different tastes and flavors (this also makes your butt wiggle, by the way).

Drooling Lucy

You had a brief visit with your Nana this month she was here and  for a week at your Aunt Beth’s house – she brought you zucchini bread, which was a big hit and spent some quality time reading books.

no more paparazzi

Your hair has grown like a weed within the last month and if we don’t do something with it, you end up looking like this:

It's like no one cares

So we generally try to pull it up, like this:

Look you have a face

Or this:

trying out a headband

Or this:

The hat stays on .07 seconds

It’s a constant struggle.

You have decided that the best seat in the house is in your toy box – I can’t imagine it’s very comfortable but it is as close to ALL of your toys as possible – we find you in there whenever our backs are turned.

Because its obviuosly so comfortable

YAY for Toys!

You have become such a good walker, we take trips up and down our street, and with or without shoes you keep up with me, well I guess I keep up with you at this point.

walking in the park

Walking with Daddy

You have learned and grown in so many ways it’s hard to list them all – you point now to things you want or items you are interested in – hopefully you are starting to store up the words for things you like and soon you will be able to say them out loud.


I love you SO much – Mama