So… I lost my job on Friday. Well maybe not lost – I know where it is, it’s just not mine anymore. This is the second time I’ve been laid off and I have to tell you it doesn’t do anything good for one’s self esteem. But I get it, really I do, I might not be a CPA but even I know if you have more debits than you have credits than you are in the red and it’s hard to pay people when you’re in the red.
To answer all of your burning questions regarding this situation here’s a mock interview I just conducted with myself:
Interviewer: So you just lost your job, how do you feel?
Me: Meh, I think working is over rated. Sure it gives you money to buy thigs like food and wine and stuff but as a concept working is total bullshit.
Interviewer: What are you plans now?
Me: Well, without the daily pressure of going to a job I’ll probably just hang out – you know, do things I’ve been meaning to do like wash the inside of the refrigerator – those glass shelves get really dirty!
Interviewer: Do you have a long term plan?
Me: I don’t understand that last question.
Interviewer (getting frustrated): Let’s switch topics do you have anything that you would like to say to the people/person that laid you off.
Me: Oh yes – I do! So glad you asked this question. I have three pieces of advice for woman the who just canned me – 1.) Next time if you know you are going to let someone go don’t harass them to complete their yearly self-evaluation form that you know you are never going to read. 2.) If the person you are letting go takes the train home try and coordinate the firing with their train schedule, otherwise that poor person is just sitting underground for over an hour trying to text all of her friends with a really weak cell phone signal. And finally don’t try to hug that person as they are leaving the office, no one wants your hugs.
Interviewer: Anything else to add?
Me: Nope that about sums it up.
Interviewer: Can we get serious about where you want to go from here?
Me: Well, it’s 5:30 am Sunday morning, where do I want to from here? Mostly I’m going to head to the kitchen and heat up some of yesterday’s coffee.
Interviewer: You are very exasperating.
Me: Is that a question?
Interviewer: Can you share with me one of your goals now that you have all of his free time.
Me: I can share one with you. Are you asking me if I will share one with you? Sorry, honestly I don’t know why I’m being so hostile you seem like a very nice person. But truthfully I don’t know, I think that spending more time with my child and husband is certainly a goal – but at some point that’s going to get old for all of us. So I’ll probably have to like get a job or something.
Interviewer: What kind of job do you see yourself getting?
Me: I don’t really know – I seem to be pretty good at this interviewing thing. Maybe I can just pretend to interview people from around the world and write a book about it. You know something like “fake interviews about real things”
Interviewer: Huh. I’m not really sure what to say.
Me: Say you’ll buy a copy.
The interview really went downhill from there.
As usual I have no good way to end this post. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ll be around if anyone needs a reliable daytime drinking buddy.