Donuts, the great cure all. Also why I’m kind of a good person but not really…

I want to preface this post by setting the scene in my family room last night. On occasion, since the pandemic started, I facetime with my BFF in California. We do this over several bottles of wine and typically rage at the current political situation. Our shared outrage tends to lead to more wine and that invariably leads to a rough morning after. Last night while pregaming for my facetime raging I decided that I needed to do something good and worthwhile and I signed up to donate blood at 9:00 this morning. The forethought that this might not be a good idea 6 days before the election and that by 9:00am my blood alcohol level might be lethal to whoever is unfortunate enough to get my blood did not at all cross my mind. Smugly, I logged into the Red Cross website and put myself on the list. Below is the texting transcript that started with my BFF in California at exactly 9:28 this morning:

  • Me: UGGGHHHHH… I just got back from donating blood with a HUGE headache. I wanted to tell them that my blood is probably 46% straight red wine. I thought it problematic to reveal…
  • Him: Hahahaha, Ugh. Someone in need somewhere is going to get an infusion buzz! I’m onboarding GALLONS of water as we speak
  • Me: I’ve had a TON of water, I’m currently toasting a bagel because… food.
  • Him: Bread will help
  • Me: Fingers crossed emoji
  • Him: lighted candle GIF
  • Me: I HOUSED that bagel, is it wrong to have 2 bagels?
  • Him: NOT.AT.ALL (this is why I love him)

*Five minute interlude where I stand in front of my refrigerator seriously contemplating toasting another bagel (side note: they are pumpkin bagels from trader Joes and delicious), but ultimately come to the conclusion that I don’t have enough cream cheese to adequately smother said bagel appropriately. My mind decides that the only thing that will make me feel better is a donut. My mind will NOT let go.

  • Me: My headache DESPERATLY needs a donut!
  • Haha, its funny that you say that I’ve been CRAVING a real, honest to god donut shop donut for a solid 72 hours now (Side Note: my BFF and I share a brain – these things come up all the time. Also, Side note: since his heart attack last year, he can’t eat donuts and I can’t listen to the second half of the Hamilton soundtrack without getting panicky – true story)
  • Me: MY ENTIRE SOUL IS CRYING OUT FOR A DONUT!
  • Him: Theatrical much? It is T minus 30- minutes until I have to leave for the office, how can this be? I’m nowhere near ready.
  • Me: Dammit – hey pick up a donut on the way. Also, bring me a donut.
  • Him: Ugh, Devil on my shoulder
  • Me: I know, I’m sorry. I am evil and my will power has been replaced with a ginormous headache that only donuts can fix
  • Him: I completely understand donut emoji

I am never going to get that donut, in fairness he has MUCH more will power than I do and lives 5,000 miles away. It doesn’t lessen the desire though.

Oh man, my head hurts.

2 thoughts on “Donuts, the great cure all. Also why I’m kind of a good person but not really…

  1. Someone in our town got bored recently being stuck at home, mixed together random ingredients in their kitchen and voila: alcohol-infused donuts! Now they’re selling them out their front door. Sounds like the perfect combo for your next rant with your BFF.

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