A Danger To Myself And Others

I am sorry to report that I have come to rely on Sticky Jam Hands less as an outlet for my angst and sarcasm and more as a place to list the current books I am reading (so far 42 this year!). And seriously what good is that? I might as well break down and start a goodreads account.

I was just perusing the items I posted this year and I was horrified at the selection – one recount of a trip to NYC, a maudlin eulogy to my late father and a few birthday interview videos. I thought to myself “you hardly deserve to have a website at all.” In my feeble defense I did write something funny on my other website (yes, there are 2) you can read it here. And if everything works out as it should there will be a new update to Artistry in Alcohol based on our latest (and much less successful) craft night that happened over the weekend.

Today, however I want to recount to you something that happened to me back in August. About a month and a half ago, when it was hot – HOT, the train that I take into the city underwent some track renovations. Yes the Southeastern Transportation Authority (SEPTA) decided to terminate the train that I take to work everyday 4 stops before I get to the stop that gets me to work everyday. They had set up a system of shuttle buses and subway rides or some such nonsense but I had no wish to research or understand what I was supposed to do, so I decided to drive in to the city instead. Since I work in an area completely devoid of parking options I dove to my old stomping ground, parked in west Philadelphia at the University and made my way in from there. I only had to go in to the office two days during this disturbance (thanks well planned business trip and vacation!).

The first day I went in to the office, I parked 26 blocks from work, about 20 minutes earlier than I usually go in and since it seemed hot but not unbearable I decided to walk across town. I realized what a terrible mistake this was about 5 blocks in to my walk, but being stubborn and slightly insane I decided I couldn’t deviate from the plan I had already committed to, it got hotter as I walked. I had nothing with me except a thermos of hot coffee and on my feet some fairly uncomfortable work shoes. I got to work an  hour late, dehydrated, covered in sweat and limping.

Six hours later, my feet felt better, I purchased a large water bottle and waved away co-workers attempts to provide me with subway tokens. I decided to walk back to my car. Why? Because I’m stubborn and a little bit insane (pay attention). I spent the hour long walk chronicling  my journey via text message with my friend Jeff, this is how it went:

Me: I just left work, feels like I walked in to a sauna

Jeff: Please tell me you figured out the subway or used the taxicab service in your purse (uber)

Me: I’m walking

Me: But I have water this time

Jeff: WHY?? Do you have a death wish?

Me: I like walking

Jeff: your current temp is 93/ feels like 103

Me: Yeah, its hot

Jeff: That’s Africa hot

Me: I’m in Chinatown and it smells like bad fish

Jeff: I think that’s because there isn’t any ‘good’ fish when its 103

Jeff: I guess it smells like 103

Me: I’m almost to city hall – I’m developing a blister

Jeff: No one saw that coming

Me: I just stopped in love park to change my shoes

Jeff: Today I’m calling it ‘love my feet park’

Me:  I just got to Comcast, if my husband wasn’t so smart to have worked from home today I could go visit him

Me: Just passed their newest, taller second tower…

Jeff: Oh yes! I heard something about them needing a newer shinier towerer thing

Me: If one colossal tower is good than 2 has to be gooder right?

Me: Okay, I just literally walked in to 2 people while texting you, I’m officially ‘part of the problem’

Jeff: Haha, watch out for fountains!

Me: Way off in the distance I see salvation!

Jeff: Is it a pizza hut delivery car?

Me: No, 30th street station!

Me: F*ck, the sun jut came out!

Jeff: Now you are really melting 😦

Me: crossing the river

Jeff: Jump in!  Jump in!

Me: Have you seen the Schuylkil?

Jeff: Are you at the station?

Me: Yes, sweet sweet air conditioning, I think I might just live here now, who needs to go home?

Me: God dammit – my favorite smoothie place was turned in to a pretzel stand, I cant live here – on to my car

Me: two blocks to go

Me: You know what would suck?

Jeff: ???

Me: If I left my keys at work

Jeff: Hahahaha! That’s EXACTLY what I thought you’d say

Me: Hey, guess what?

Jeff: Are you at your car?

Me: (insert car emoji)

Jeff: and the angels sing

I made it home in record time – I mean record time not including the hour long cross city hike I took. The next time I went in to the city, I parked at the same place, bought some subway tokens and rode underground. Who says I cant be reasonable?

 

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2 thoughts on “A Danger To Myself And Others

  1. I need to catch up — I’ve only read 22 so far this year (plus the ones that I forgot to write down). I would have taken the subway though — you can read on there.

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