Every spring I come down with a head cold, runny nose and general stuffiness that seems to last for months, it’s been going on for oh about ten years now… Ten years, the exact amount of time that I’ve been back living on the east coast. I didn’t put this together until a couple years ago. Actually I didn’t put this together at all until I finally decided after almost two decades of avoiding all manner of doctors, to finally find one and get a yearly physical (sixteen year physical?). And my doctor (who isn’t a doctor at all, she’s a nurse practitioner – because I simply couldn’t go all the way) looked at me and said “You know, you have allergies?” And I said “Really? Is that why I’ve been sick for four months?” (I’d like to remind you right now, that I am smart in other ways…)

I never really minded this four month head cold before because it meant Nyquil and Nyquil is one of my most favoritist things of all time. A glass of wine and a big shot of Nyquil is like a warm blanket that bludgeons you over the head and envelopes you in deep uninterrupted sleep for 8-10 hours. And who cares if you wake up slightly hung over, for someone who rarely sleeps straight through any given night, it’s like a little shot of heaven.

So for the past ten years spring has become Nyquil season and I’ve been perfectly content with that. Last spring was super difficult for me because being pregnant I had to skip Nyquil season, and I missed it… I missed it a lot, so much in fact that this year I seem to be subconsciously making up for it. I tried hard to resist, knowing that breastfeeding and Nyquil are probably not the best of friends, but then I thought “how bad could it be? I mean I feed her in the beginning when I was taking 12 percocets a day after the c-section.” And Lucy doesn’t seem to care, she might be a little less active in the morning, but honestly, that just works out in everyone’s favor.

I noticed on my last Target trip that they now sell it alcohol free, um… what the? It’s the alcohol that does the bludgeoning and that, quite frankly, is the best part. So I grabbed the good stuff and as I was having the cashier swipe my drivers license for something like the 8^th time this season, I wondered how many more bottles could I buy before someone official looking shows up at my house looking for evidence (more evidence) of a meth lab?

It might be time to start buying it online…