A Public Service Annoucement

At some point in your child’s increasingly short childhood they are going to become afraid of going to bed. Maybe it’s because you let them stay up to late watching the prisoner of Azkaban, maybe it was because they went to a sleepover where their friends told them scary stories maybe it was just shitty parenting in general. Whatever the reason I almost guarantee that your kid who has been going to sleep with nary an issue for a long time now will at some point start to make bedtime a nightmare for both you and them.

At this point you will sit them down and calmly and rationally explain that there is nothing to be afraid of, that you have kept them safe for 8 years and that nothing can penetrate your all-seeing Mom protection. You will tell them that there is no such things as werewolves or basilisks, you will be utterly convincing and reasonable and they will not believe you. You will call your Mom, who may or may not be a trained psychoanalyst and she will tell you to be firm but not to give in to your child’s fears, don’t offer to post a stuffed animal sentry in front of the door, don’t make them think that there is anything to be afraid of –  just keep leading them back to bed and reassure them they are all right. You might try this one or two times, but it will not work. You will be tired, you will be cranky.

You will stop being reasonable and search the internet for anti-werewolf potions, you will do you research (because that’s what good parents do and also because you don’t have a stash of essential oils in your house which most of them call for) and if you are lucky you will make the following:

Anti-Werewolf potion*

What you will need

Spray bottle
Something Silver
Warm Water
1 drop of milk
2 drops of green food coloring
1 mint

Directions:

Take a half a cup of warm water and using a glass measuring cup stir it with something silver. Add a drop of milk and two drops of green food coloring and the mint. Stir and wait for the mint to dissolve. Once dissolved stir again. Transfer to a spray bottle, act really scared about the strength of this potion and only allow your child to spray once around her bed each night. Let it stay on the bedside while they are sleeping. Leave their room and go pour yourself a large and well deserved glass of wine.

Feel free to call and thank me later.

*I stole this recipe from The Fantastic Book of Potions

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A Public Service Annoucement

  1. In my experience, allowing your child to watch “Finding Bigfoot” had a demonstrable cause and effect relationship to being afraid to go to bed. Wish I had had this recipe.

    1. Bigfoot, werewolves, that disembodied hand that lives under your bed… Maybe if Nana had this spray I wouldn’t have had to learn to jump from my bed to the hallway as a kid because I was certain I’d get dragged under my bunk bed and never see my family again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.