All offers will be considered

When I was little I had a god father – Uncle John. Uncle John was a very old man who lived in a huge mansion-y type house somewhere quiet and beautiful. My Mom used to take my sister and I there to swim in his pool and play in his secret passageways. This sounds creepy and weird but he actually had one of those houses where you could open up the grandfather clock in the front hall and take a secret passageway to the ‘study’ or the ‘lounge’ or the ‘billiard room’ – I don’t know maybe I’m confusing my childhood memories with the board game for Clue. But either way he was a rich old man who lived in a giant mahogany paneled house with an awesome swimming pool and questionable ties to my family. I don’t really know why he was my godfather – you would think my parents would have chosen someone… younger and maybe related to us …

‘Uncle’ John died when I was very young. I don’t remember this happening, I think I was probably told about it well after the fact. But next thing I know we were relocated to Maine and Uncle John was never mentioned again. When I became a teenager I started to wonder who inherited that house and all of the money that I assume went with it? I am the god daughter after all – maybe when I turned 18 I’d get an inheritance? Maybe when I was 21? 25? 30? Maybe when I got married? All of these milestones have come and gone and still no mysterious call from a lawyer I don’t know asking me to come to his office… I’m starting to lose hope.

I haven’t been updating this blog very often because really the main subject in my head has been my general annoyance and frustration about my job. And I know you all have way more important and amusing things to do that read a bunch of posts about how I hate my job. My ‘aloha feeling’ has definitely crawled out the window and jumped to its untimely death.

Since I doubt very much that there is any Uncle John money sitting in a bank vault waiting for me and my daily lottery tickets haven’t panned out – if there is anyone out there who would like to offer me a job, or a grant or a fellowship or become my benefactor now would be a good time to contact me. I could return your kindness with sarcastic witticisms and cute pictures of my child. My strengths are a good sense of humor, a delicious lasagna, and fantastic accessorizing.  I’m a decent driver and have really good penmanship.

Hoping to hear from you soon!

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