Category Archives: Uncategorized

Unemployment- the new black

Not having a job makes me feel like Peter Gibbons in office space when the Bobs tell him he’s been missing a lot of work and he responds “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it Bob” – yeah it’s a lot like that.

Here’s a list of  things I can do during the day now that I don’t have to go to work:

Nap
Call 7-11 and ask them to cook several dozen hotdogs
Drink wine at 10:00am 3:00pm
Scheme up crazy new business ideas ( I still believe in the bar/laundry mat – whose with me?)
Find out  how to do home waxing
Search for that smell in the basement
Teach the cat to fetch me things
Open my own Etsy store that sells things made with shedded dog hair
Watch more porn
Learn Esperanto

I am totally open to suggestions…

Maine

I haven’t had wine in um… 39 hours (I’m not counting) which I guess means vacation is over, I would never go that long if I didnt have to work and drive and deduct reasonably.

Lucy and I had a fantastic time in Maine, most of our days went something like this:

Get up, be cute

Lucy on the porch in Maine
I don't even have to try...

Take a hike up the hill (for a little excersice and great views)

Lucy & Daddy in Maine
Naturally I don't have a picture of she and I doing this...

Have breakfast, take a nap

Lucy breakfasting in Maine
Where's the lobster?

Bang pots around for fun

Pots and Pans
Yay for loud noise!
 
 (did you notice how cute those overalls are?)
Pots and Pans II

Go eat ice cream

Ice cream face
This was taken after she finished black raspberry ice cream & realized there was a petting zoo next door. She was so excited, not as excited as when she got to touch bunny rabbits, actual bunny rabbits!

Swim

Lucy swimming
Oh look - there I am!

Take a nap

Play with magnets while Nana tries to make dinner

Lucy with magnets
Very busy

Eat dinner

Play

Lucy playing
How come this radio only plays one song?
 and play
 
Lucy playing II
This one!

 and play

Lucy laughing
I love vacation!
 

Bath

Bed

Wine

I don’t have any pictures of the last three because all three require the use of both of my hands. Let’s just say there were many hours spent on the porch watching it get dark, drinking boxed chardonney (don’t judge me) and thinking how nice it was not to have a television.

Coming back home to civilization was really rough – there is traffic here not to mention its freaking hot, there won’t be jean and sweatshirt evenings for months!  There are a few things I’m grateful for like consistantly hot showers with water preassure, my simmons beauty rest mattress, and my husband – not in that order.

 

Bath Time

The best time of my day occurs at 7:30 pm each evening, right after the Jeopardy winner of the day is decided.  We scope Lucy up in a big ol bear hug and transport her upstairs to begin getting her ready for the bath. It starts with the three of us sitting on the floor of her bedroom, projecting stars onto the ceiling via her twilight turtle.  This never fails to astound.

Then we bring out the BIG GIANT PANDA – big giant panda was a Christmas gift that she got excited about for 5 minutes and then promptly forgot about until about a week ago and now he’s the best thing EVER. He’s taller than she is and can completely surround her with his big giant panda arms – she can barely contain herself.

Then, just when you think things can’t get any better, she gets nekkid and gets to throw herself all over big giant panda without any clothes on… We let her run around nekkid while her Dad gets her bath ready.

In a fit of giggles and flailing arms she is set in a tub of warm water – WATER, OMG WATER! Water is by far WAY better than big giant panda. She squeals and kicks and grabs for the wash cloth and splashes around until we finally decide that perhaps we should actually bathe her. Her father has this down to a science and can wash her in entirety in 6 minutes. Six minutes I spend signing the “No hands in the face song” Cause, you know soapy hands in the eyes…

No hands in the face
No hands in the face
No, no, no, no hands in the face
Sung to the tune of ‘farmer in the dell’

 Once she’s clean we sit her up and throw all sort of manner of toys at her – octopuses and cows, sheep and lady bugs – we squirt water at her with them while she squeals In delight and tries to splash  so hard it gets the whole room soaking wet. Just about the time she’s dropped all of the aforementioned toys over the side of the tub (you know, to see where they end up) Dad brings out the bubbles – BUBBLES and blows hundreds of them into her face. This quiets her down, while she puts on her serious face and tries to unlock the mystery of the disappearing bubbles.

Eventually she’ll give us a sign, she’s had enough water and bubble excitement and we will lift her out of the tub, wrap her in a big terry cloth towel and stand with her in front of the bathroom mirror where she laughs at herself all nekkid and wet.

Back in her bedroom we get ready for bed, diapered and lotioned and put into jammies.  If it’s my turn to get her ready we do this while I regale her with my rendition of ‘little bunny foo foo.’ If it’s her Dad’s turn to get her ready he regales her by humming the theme to Star Wars. Both seem to make her happy – there is no clear favorite.

Afterwards I nurse her and if she’s really tired she’ll simply fall asleep in my lap, if not she finishes eating, gives us both big smiles and waves as she’s taken upstairs. She’s usually asleep before I wish her sweet dreams and quietly close her door.

I LOVE Bath time.

27

Today is the 27th anniversary of the day my parents got married. I would like to say a big shout out to my Mom and the man I have come to think of more as a father than my father ever will be.

I can’t say that I always agreed with them or fully appreciated them growing up, but now that I am a parent I realize more than ever the challenge that I faced them with. The fact that I am not only alive but a productive member of society is all thanks to them and their unwavering refusal to simply never give up on me.

Thank you for all you have done and for all you continue to do – to celebrate your anniversary Lucy would like me to post some gratuitously cute pictures of her:

Flower Child
Pirate baby
In Rittenhouse Square

 

At LOVE park
On the porch

 

Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday’s child is full of woe

I was born on a Wednesday and whether or not that is the catalyst for it I have always been very quick to cry. And I mean quick, I don’t just cry when events turn happy or sad or emotional I cry when I know they are headed in that direction. I cry at the opening ceremonies of the Olympic games because of all the amazing potential gathered together and the idea that soon dreams will be realized or crushed, my point is it doesn’t even have to have happened yet. I was once at a business event taking place at a  hockey game where a small crippled boy with a terminal disease sung the national anthem, I cried so hard that I had to excuse myself… I cried right now just typing that line.

Thursday night when Michael left the office for good and got on that plane to Boulder Colorado I cried, my husband looked at me and said “Seriously? You’re crying for the office?” sometimes, it’s like he doesn’t know me at all. I’m just glad that he was at work this morning when I watched William & Kate get married, it got a little embarrassing even for me. My wedding was certainly no exception – I couldn’t talk to, or look anyone in the eye until about 30 minutes and several glasses of wine after the ceremony was over.

It already makes me embarrassed for my daughter because if I can cry like that for Kate & William two people I’ve never even met what’s going to happen when she gets married? Or goes to school? Or has her first recital? Or whatever?

In the meantime – I’m sorry Lucy, just tell everyone your Mother has a ‘condition.’

Spring has Sprung

It is currently 78 degrees in downtown west Philadelphia, and in an effort to take a break from email I decided to go for a walk around campus – I headed straight to Starbucks thinking wistfully about a vanilla latte but as I was standing in line it hit me, its smoothie season, SMOOTHIES, so I immediately left the coffee haven and leisurely strolled to the closest smoothie bar. Soon we’ll be in sandals with toenails painted, eating lunch outside.

I love this time of year when everything is in a state of rebirth and renewal and the dogwood trees are blooming and the daffodils are up, it reminds of being a kid and the physical rush of unbridled excitement when you realize you can go play outside, outside, without a coat, or snow pants or mittens – just you, your bare feet and new shoots of grass.

I can’t wait until Lucy understand how cool spring is, until we can stay up late and catch fireflies and tuck her into bed with her window open.

Digression

Barney Stinson has a theory about releasing anger called the pyramid of screaming, for those of you who watch how I met your Mother you know exactly what I’m talking about, for those of you living under a large heavy rock, here is an excerpt from his blog explain the pyramid of screaming:

THE CHAIN CIRCLE PYRAMID OF SCREAMING

(4/14/08)

HEY STUPID BLOG READERS!!! WHY DON’T YOU READ MY BLOG MORE?!?! Sorry. My boss screamed at me over a few missing schematics and I had to release some steam. Why didn’t I yell at my boss and not at you? Because that would be dumb, idiot.

You see, we all learn as children that screaming leads to results, and it’s no different in the workplace. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can’t just scream at anybody… that would be counter-productive. That’s why it’s imperative you understand where you stand on the Pyramid of ScreamingTM.

What exactly is the Pyramid of ScreamingTM?

The Pyramid of ScreamingTM is a societal rubric that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder, South Beach Screaming, and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream etiquette: You can only scream beneath you.

To illustrate how it works, here’s the scream pyramid for a professional football team:

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/barney_blog/index.php

I bring this up because I’m not a huge fan of screaming but I am a proponent of this whole circle chain pyramid idea… I believe that it’s healthy to pass on the annoyance you get from one party onto another party – that way you don’t let all that angst get pent up inside of you…

Let me illustrate with my own example:

When I was in my early twenties (just a couple years ago) and lived in California I belonged to 24 hour fitness, perhaps the most annoying gym on the planet. I had the cheapest membership they offered and could only get into the gym on something like Tuesday and Thursday afternoons (perfect for me – built in excuse not to work out). But, the people that worked there were most exceptionally annoying. Every time I checked in I was bombarded with requests to upgrade my membership, or to buy their shirts, or to sign up for their towel service or some way give them more money.

And it wasn’t just the front desk – trainers would walk around and interrupt me on the Stairmaster and give me great advise about how more effective my work outs could be if I signed up for personal training sessions… Personal training sessions at $99 an hour (clearly these people didn’t understand I was bringing in $9.00 an hour and riding my bike to work because I couldn’t afford to put gas in my car).  I was constantly annoyed the entire time I was in that place and since I didn’t want to be full of angst all up inside me I would call them… I would call and have conversations like this:

Me: “What time are you open?

Them” This is 24 hour fitness”

Me: “So… you’ll be open when I get out of work?”

Them: “24 hours ma’am”

Me: “But I don’t think I’ll be able to leave until late tonight – like probably around 6:15, and then I might want to eat dinner, do you think I should eat dinner before I work out because I might be pretty hungry by then”

Them: “I don’t really know”

Me: “So, if I decide to eat dinner I probably won’t get there until 7:30, will you be open then?”

Them: “Yes”

Me: “Is Doug working today?

Them: “He’s out on the floor in a personal training session”

Me: “I really need to talk to him”

Them: “Are you just going to ask him how late me are open?

Me: “No”

(repeat above conversation)

I would do this over and over again – calling back to get different receptionist. My theory is they annoy me, I should return the favor – and I didn’t feel like I should pass this annoyance onto my friends and since I was making $9.00/hour there was clearly no one ‘under’ me which I could do this through work.

Which brings me to yesterday.

Yesterday I had an exceptionally bad day at work and left the office with angst building up like a pressure cooker inside of me. On my way home I thought & thought of people who deserve to be annoyed in return and immediately I decided upon the local 7-11 that I often go to while at the office.

You see this 7-11 is staffed by people bordering on hostile. I have had several altercations with them – once resulting in them chasing me through their parking lot… that’s a whole different post. But let me assure you they deserve to be in my pyramid.

So – I called and asked them to look and see how many hot dogs they had on their grill. It turns out they only had one lonely one leftover from lunch – so I politely asked if them would please put 3 dozen more on to cook because my son’s peewee hockey team just finished their last game and I was going to surprise them all with 7-11 hot dogs (their favorite!). I would be there in 20 minutes. I assured them I was for real and that I would see them soon…

See? Don’t you feel better? I do.