This year we did anti-Thanksgiving. We cleaned out the refrigerator and made chili and didn’t go anywhere or have anyone over. Right now the house is in shambles – six days to moving day and it looks like its six days to moving day… Today (black-Friday) I took Lucy out to run some errands with me and she was so excited that there are Christmas decorations up and Christmas displays out and about and she wanted to look at, touch and to buy everything… I had to keep reminding her that Christmas would be at her grandmothers this year – there will be no time to decorate at the new house. I feel terrible about all of this – what if this is the first holiday season she remembers and I totally phoned it in? She had white fish and macaroni and cheese for Thanksgiving diner – made up only slightly by the store-bought pumpkin pie I got to keep one small modicum of tradition. I totally suck as a parent.
I’ve been struggling recently with Lucy’s monthly newsletter – she’s becoming so grown up I know at some point I need to respect her privacy and not splay all of her adventures and heartache and misadventures all of the Internets. I justify doing this up until now because this site it only really accessed by close friends and family but not always… today I checked the site stats and there were 20 hits from Germany last Friday – 20 pictures clicked on and what? Downloaded where? I have nothing protected I have nothing encrypted. I think it might be time to discontinue these public forums of her sprouting into adulthood. Those who know me well can see her anytime and her grandmothers get nearly daily pictures via text message.
I’m not going to shut the site down but I am going to protect her. A new chapter is beginning in our lives and I think this needs to be one of the changes that has to happen. I will still continue to rant and blaspheme as much as I can, when I can. I have a feeling that life in the suburbs might spark more angst and material than I am currently used to. We have already been dragged into some weird neighborhood politics and we haven’t even moved yet. I’m really looking forward to this….