Things I meant to do during my stint on unemployment:

• Go to the dermatologist
• Organize the laundry room
• Teach the dog to walk on a leash without pulling
• Learn new healthy dinner recipes my whole family would love

Things I actually did do while on unemployment:

• Find good people who were willing and able to drink wine with me at noon
• Institute mandatory cuddle time for the first 15 minutes after coming home from kindergarten
• Learn how to do Romanian deadlifts with a 45-pound kettle bell
• Vacuum so much I actually broke the vacuum cleaner

Things I feel like I would do if I didn’t ever have to go back to work:

• Become an alcoholic
• Barricade myself in the office and write a novel I would be too terrified to actually share with anyone and would only be discovered after my death with a lot of tear stains and spelling errors
• Committ our wifi pssword to memmory
• Empty the litter box more often (this ones questionable, I might just teach the cat to use the toilet)

Things I’m looking forward to about going back to work:

• Less pressure to have a clean house
• Actually having a reason to drink in the evening
• Not having to avoid eye contact with people who commiserate with me about how hard their jobs are
• Less free time to spend at Home Goods