All posts by Becca

Senility, March & Rash decision making

Random stuff

I recently ordered  2001: A Space Odyssey through my book club on audio CD to listen to in the car. I thought about how I never really cared for the movie but have always been a big fan of Arthur C. Clarke and it was probably time to ‘read’ it. I listened to the first one and a half discs and this morning began thinking that this story line seemed a little too familiar when suddenly it flashed through my head in vivid picturesque details how I had had this exact same thought while rummaging around the basement sale of my local library a few years ago – I saw the tattered hardcover I bought for a quarter, I saw myself lying in bed reading it. I wonder if this is the same feeling that Alzheimer’s victims have during moments of lucidity when pictures of them playing with their forgotten children suddenly burst through their minds.

This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve picked up a book that I’ve read before – I do read a lot of books, its not disconcerting to think I might forget one or two here and there. What is disconcerting is that I listened to 90 minutes of this book before the memories managed to claw their way to the front of my cerebral cortex.

I need to get a subscription to luminosity or maybe do what a friend of mine does and start spelling words backwards… but who am I kidding I can barely spell them forwards…

~

This morning I woke up promptly at 5:15 and could not get back to sleep – I immediately reached for my phone to see if anything important had happened overnight that my phone thought was important enough to tell me. Nothing had. But immediately my eye was drawn to the calendar icon and a big number ‘1’.  It’s March! I nearly shouted to my empty bedroom. It’s March!

March to me means the end of winter, the start of daylight savings time and a renewal to everything that is good and happy. In my mental calendar that is essentially just a giant circle March first is the start of the upward curvature that takes us out of the dark and bottomless winter and ultimately culminates in the pinnacle of the year on or about July 1st.

I was so excited I dressed Lucy is a flowery skirt and top that is totally inappropriate for the actual weather outside. I put on makeup and actually shaved my legs in the shower. Its like a springtime miracle.

~

In the past couple weeks there have been some developments in my quest to find new employment that will allow me a better work/life balance and rescue me from the daily commute that I detest.

Tuesday I gave notice at my job. It made me feel like a complete jerk when my boss asked me to please please reconsider and refused to accept my letter. Wednesday I stood firm and resubmitted my letter.

I felt assured Tuesday morning that I had other options solidified enough that alerting my current boss to my upcoming departure seemed like the correct and respectful thing to do. Time to be a free agent and go where the universe would take me.

Wednesday morning I also felt assured that this was the correct and appropriate action. About five minutes after reaffirming my decision I got the uneasy feeling that perhaps I had acted to irrationally, or at least too soon. Because within those  five minutes the universe seemed to  stop responding to me.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. Either way a new chapter is going to open in my life. In the meantime if you would like to wire  me cash or buy me food, or take over my student loan payment until it is all straightened out I would gladly accept your donations.

Writers block… block chock frock mock

Stuff only I think is funny

Me: Dude, you need to update the website, it‘s been nearly a month…

My brain: Um stop calling me dude and what is there to write about? Few people care about your hair – writing an entire post about losing Lucy in Target only makes you internet prey for bored DHS workers and you can only complain about the cold and darkness of winter so many times….

Me: You could talk about my new found obsession with Greek yogurt

My brain: This is so lame, I’m going to stop listening to you now.

Me: Lots of people love Greek yogurt, its very in right now.

My brain: La, la, la… do you even hear yourself ?

Me: We could talk about…uh… are you sure no one cares about my hair? It’s shorter and darker.

My Brain: I’m going to make an egg salad sandwich – you let me know when you come up with something.

Me: I don’t think I own any red clothes, I look good in red. Make a note to do something about that.

My Brain: Huh? Are you still talking to me.

 

In summary: my brain likes egg salad

 

Newsletter: Month 30

Newsletter

Lucy,

30 months! You have been a ray of sunshine breaking through the gloom of the January cold and dark. This month your biggest accomplishment has been your quick and complete grasp of potty training. Except for nighttime you haven’t had a diaper on since Christmas. I am very proud of how ingenious you are.

Sunshine

You are starting to do more and more by yourself, you can get dressed (if we have enough time) and open the dog food bin and feed Guinness all By yourself. There are other things that you could do but chose not to – like feed yourself, you like your Dad or I to do it for you. We try to encourage you to do it yourself, but we are suckers for your pleas for help and in the morning eating breakfast on my lap is 20 minutes of snuggle time I’m unwilling to give up.

Snuggle Lucy

You had your first dentist appointment this month and you were amazingly grown up – not only did you let the dentist count your teeth and give you a fluoride treatment – you even let her polish them and do a thorough check up. You sat in your Dad’s lap but were so composed.

best dentist visit ever

One rainy Saturday morning we took you to play at the Smith house and to our surprise when we got to the basement riding room you jumped on a tricycle and took off  we had no idea you were such an accomplished bike rider – we came home and immediately took the safety bars off of your smart tryke to make it a ‘big girl bike’.

bike riding genious

You are very sensitive. When ever I get annoyed and raised my voice you look at me and say “Mommy you are so mad! I can’t believe you are so mad” . On more than one occasion you have come home from daycare and announced “Mom, I’ve had a rough day!”

having a rough day

You’re very favorite things right now are:, snow, Cinderella underwear, fruit loops, bubble gum flavored toothpaste and the book Curious George Goes to a Costume Party.

Snow Fun!

I love you – Mommy.

Call your friends – call them now.

Stuff that sucks, Things that confuse me

Ten years ago I landed a gig shelving books and telling people where the bathroom was at Barnes and Noble. It was a thankless job but it allowed me to manhandle books and drink really cheap coffee all evening long.  Hands down the best part about being a bookseller was the people I met.

Emily Morris and I met at cash wrap early one Sunday morning when we were both under-caffinated and surly, we immediately realized that a.) we both had the same intense obsession with good books b.) we both intensely hated Sunday morning book shoppers and  c.) we lived four blocks from each other. I was drawn to her, she was so sarcastic and so dry and had the most amazingly infectious smile. Unlike myself, with my weird social anxieties Emily was friends with everyone in the store, and I think we were all glad to be part of that club.  There was no subterfuge with Emily, she told you how it was – even if the truth was that you were being a total ass, she told you with a smile but she told you.

We spent a lot of time hanging out, discussing books – rummaging through thrift stores, eating, drinking – I valued her honesty and went to her when I needed a solid opinion.

One fourth of July Jason & I spent the day at her childhood home in Lebanon, we lounged by her pool becoming much better friends with her dogs than her parents (who I think were secretly horrified we showed up with a case of beer for one afternoon), and when it got dark she drove a drunk Jason and I  to some random cow pasture to watch fireworks off of the hood of her Volkswagen –  it was the best fourth of July ever.

There came a point when we unknowingly grew up, Emily moved to Norristown and became the first single 20-something I knew to buy her own home, I got married and knocked up. Our communication became sporadic, we would email and talk and not nearly often enough I would drive out to Norristown to check out her crazy DIY projects.  And of course I was always invited to her annual birthday bash that she threw every year on her birthday – Groundhogs day

But we continued our shared interest in books, Emily was a writer and when I started this blog she became one of my number one fans, it was amazing because I longed for her approval.  Last year I started a book club and as soon as she caught wind of it she asked to join – I was thrilled that this meant she was obligated to hang out with me once a month, we emailed back and forth and made plans and then life happened and the meeting got cancelled and then I got sick and then and then… I emailed her a couple of times but never heard back – I assumed she was busy, besides writing for two newspapers she also taught community college courses and spent a lot of time fixing up her house and vacuuming up the fur from her English Springer spaniel and three kittens.

In December I sent her a Christmas card and a few weeks later I got a message via facebook from a friend of hers telling me that in April Emily died in a horrific car accident.

I have never known anyone as full as life as Emily – no one who has laughed louder or harder, no one who exuded the kind of energy force she did. I cannot even understand or wrap my head around a world that is so cruel in its randomness.

Its been hard for me to accept or share with anyone – how do you begin? I do not know. All I know is that Saturday she should be turning 32 and she should be at home, with 47 of her closest friends, handing out free Punxsutawney Phil paraphernalia  My phone keeps reminding me its coming up – how do I delete that?

I miss you my friend.

How to tell if you are a Mom

Examples of great parenting

1.) If you are wearing two different pairs of shoes right now.

2.) If you have ever put scotch in a baby bottle to sneak it on to an airplane.

3.) If you have ever arrived at the mall before it opened.

4.) If you have ever been watching TV, found candy in your bra – and eaten it.

5.) If you have ever shown up to work and realized you still have conditioner in your hair.

6.) If you have ever volunteered to help someone move (or insert other awful tasks you would never have offered to help with 10 years ago) just so you could get out of the house.

7.) If you have ever accidentally dialed your pediatrician when trying to order a pizza.

8.) If you can recite word for word three entire books.

9.) If its a rare and exciting event to go to the bathroom by yourself.

10.) If you have fallen asleep from pure exhaustion before getting to the end of this list.

 

Newsletter: Month 28 & 29

Newsletter

Lucy,

I was so busy last month out gallivanting through southern California that we’ll have to squeeze two months of updates into this newsletter…  So many remarkable changes have happened since November, I am shocked at how quickly you have grown up . Physically you have jumped 2 shoe sizes and shot up at least an inch if not more.

OMG - how cute is that hat?

You are quick and steady on your feet – you love to jump and be swung upside down. You like to be active but tend to be on the cautious side, you look before you leap (usually) and because of this we have stopped using the baby gates and let you navigate the stairs on your own.

all grown up

We also changed your crib to a big girl bed that you are free to climb in and out of although you have never taken advantage of this freedom – you will lay in bed indefinitely until we come to get you and tell you its okay to get up.

Big Girl Bed!

You are communicating really well now, only occasionally do we have to ask you to repeat yourself. You give me directions on how to drive you places, you pick out your clothes and make jokes all the time.

Snowy Day Lucy

Over the Christmas holiday you became potty trained – something that I had dreaded everyday for the past two years ended up being no big deal, you figured it out quickly and have had only a handful of accidents in the past two weeks.

Christmas Princess

You love to go out and see and meet people but you usually decide ahead of time that you will be shy, you will say to me “Mommy, I’m going to be shy.” and then you are for 5 or 10 minutes until hanging on to me becomes boring and you decide to relax and have fun.

The hair only gets better and better

This Christmas Santa was terrifyingly scary and we decided to forego the obligatory Santa picture – we even had to keep assuring you that you wouldn’t have to see or interact with him when he stopped by to leave you presents on Christmas eve. And speaking of Christmas, you made out like a bandit – your father and I and your grandparents bought you a ton of stuff. Your Dad made you your very own rocking chair and I got you the toy I always wished had been invented when I was your age, you had a wonderful time and told us over and over that this was “the best Christmas ever!”

Made with Love

Your very favorite things right now: cheese, Dora the explorer, putting color tabs in your bathtub and reading to your lizard puppet.

Jealous much?

 

You are truly remarkable.

I love you, Mommy

 

2012: A Year In Books

Books

Before I became a Mom I used to read on average about 50 books a year. This year I only managed a measly 34, however if the statistics that I read on facebook are correct that’s still 28 more than the average American read this year. I am so above average. 

Here are those 34 in the order that I read them.  Normal people would probably have just updated Goodreads, but I am so above normal, enjoy:

A Monk Swimming

A Monk Swimming, Malachy McCourt ***

Much less maudlin than his brother Frank (for the most part) this book is an autobiography of Malachy’s life and 90% just good fun.

 The Night Circus

Night Circus, Erin Morganstern ***

First selection of our new book club, I enjoyed this book but was somewhat disappointed by the lack of genuine feeling between the main characters

The Glass Castle

 Glass Castle, Jeannette Wells ****

I love Jeannette Wells’ books; she has a seemingly effortless style of writing that makes her very hard to put down.

Scribbling The Cat

Scribbling the Cat, Alexandra Fuller ****

Haunting & disturbing. A few years ago I read Don’t lets go to the Dogs Tonight and I had forgotten how much I loved it until I picked this up. Fuller is a wonderful story teller.

When I Stop Talking, You'll Know I'm Dead: Useful Stories from a Persuasive Man

 When I stop talking you’ll know I’m Dead Jerry Weintraub ** 1/2

I liked this book; it is a great look into Hollywood and the rise of a successful industry powerhouse. I think I would have appreciated it more if I was 30 years older.

 Fall of Giants (The Century Trilogy #1)

The Fall of Giants Ken Follett ****

A compelling read that explains World War I in a way I never understood in school or was able to stay interested in, in other nonfiction works. It’s a 1,000 pages that go by in the blink of an eye.

 Sarah's Key

Sarah’s Key, Tatiana de Rosnay ***

The saddest book I’ve read in a long time. It’s a story that gives a great look into France during WWII and the atrocity that went on inside Paris. I would highly suggest this book, but only if you are prepared to cry.

Suite Francaise

Suite Francaise, Irene Nemirovsky ***

Another book club selection, I am not sure this is a book I would have picked up on my own, but I am glad I got the chance to read it. Although unfinished it gives a wonderful insight into the minds of the French people and the soldiers during WWII. If you read this I highly recommend reading the afterwards and learning about Irene’s story as well.

This Time Together: Laughter and Reflection

This time Together, Carol Burnette **

This book was a little disappointing – while it contained some great stories and antidotes from Carol’s life on screen it ended with huge sadness I was completely unprepared for.

The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games #1)

 Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins ***

The Hunger Games trilogy is just good fun, and while written for teenagers it is deep and poignant enough to hold the attention of adults. Anyone seeking pure entertainment should check these 3 books out.

Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2)

Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins ***

 Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3)

Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins ***

 Here We Go Again

 Here We go Again, Betty White **

Betty White has a remarkably long and vivid memory; this book details ALL of the particulars of her long and illustrious career. However, I was expecting something funnier and more satirical and this book was simply not that.

lets pretend this never happened

Let’s Pretend this Never Happened, Jenny Lawson*** ½

Very few people make me laugh like Jenny Lawson. I try to never miss her blog The Bloggess. This book would have been perfect except for the middle part full of heartache and loss.

Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever

Killing Lincoln, Bill O’Reilly***

Despite the author, this was an amazing book. Centered on the events and conspiracy leading up to Lincoln’s death it’s written in a very thrilling format. Anyone wanting to learn more about the end of the civil war, and the assassination of Lincoln should check this out.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet

 Hotel on the Corner of bitter and Sweet, Jamie Ford***

A sweet novel about a young boy growing up in Seattle during WWII and his struggles with Japanese internment camps. A love story that transcends racism. I liked it, I didn’t love it.

 Taft

 Taft, Anne Patchette ***1/2

Anne Patchette has a wonderful rhythm to her writing. This book sucks you in and keeps you hungry for more. It’s a quiet story of love and hope and racial tension in the south but it’s also a whole lot more than that.

 The Devil's Company (Benjamin Weaver, #3)

The Devil’s Company, David Liss***

Davis Liss can be somewhat wordy and… pedantic but this is the 3rd book of his I read and I think if you can get through all of the details his stories are incredibly complex, interesting and very true to the period that he writes in.

 Cocktail Hour Under the Tree of Forgetfulness

Cocktail Hour Under the Tree of Forgetfulness, Alexandra Fuller*** ½

Another great book by Alexandra, this makes 3 I’ve read of hers, she’s going on the list of authors that I stalk for all new books that are due to come out.

Sh*t My Dad Says

 Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Helpern****

Absolutely hysterical. I laughed out loud several times and enjoyed every word in this book. I even made my husband read it and he hasn’t read anything since Lucy was born.

The Kingdom on the Waves (The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, #2)

Kingdom of the Waves MT. Anderson **

Ugh. I waited so long to read this after having picked up The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing several years ago. Maybe I had waited too long, I simply could not get into it. In my opinion the best thing M.T. Anderson has done has been Feed which is mind blowing and something everyone should read.

 The Dog Stars

The Dog Stars Peter Heller *** ½

Adding to my love of post-apocalyptic literature, dog stars is a vivid and haunting story of one mans survival in post-apocalyptic America. Heller’s writing is beautiful and a joy to read. I am looking forward to reading more from him.

 Everything is Illuminated

Everything is Illuminated Jonathan Safran Foer ***

This is the first audio book I bought to listen to on my commute to work. I didn’t have a clue what the story was about when selecting the book and perhaps if I had known I would have selected something else, and not because I didn’t enjoy it or didn’t think it was well written but because I feel like I have read enough stories about war this year. I found myself upset when I got to work and often times in tears when I got home. It’s hard sometimes to drive and cry.

How Did You Get This Number

How did you get this number Sloane Crosley ***

I’m not sure that I enjoyed this book as much as her first one I was told there’d be cake but it was a nice light departure from the last two books I read. It’s irreverent and easy to put down and pick up whenever. I think with time and practice Crosley will become an even better humorist.

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand 

Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand Helen Simonson ***

A cute sleeper novel. It took a long time to get into this book but in the end it redeemed itself. I liked it, I didn’t love it.

Eat, Pray, Love

Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth Gilbert ****

I was prepared to really hate this book – as I normally do with huge bestsellers – but it surprised me with its depth and complexity. I listened to this in the car and by the end of the 11th disc I felt intimately close with the author.

The Bookseller of Kabul

The Bookseller of Kabul Åsne Seierstad **

I had high hopes for this book and it both delivered and disappointed. It definitely gave an intimate and real world perspective of Afghanistan and its people, but I also listened to this as an audio book and it seemed like the woman reading it (not the author) hated the people and situations she was reading about that I instantly disliked her and it put a negative slant on the book. My opinion would definitely be to read this old school.

Lit: A Memoir

Lit Mary Karr ****

Mary Karr is an amazing writer; she can create the most amazing metaphors. Her writing is like poetry (not surprising since she started as a poet.) This is the 3rd book of hers and the memoirs of her adult years. I am looking forward to her next publication.

Saving Fish from Drowning

Saving fish from drowning Amy Tan***

I didn’t love or hate this book. It was in interesting story but for some reason the characters never fully resonated with me. I want so much to like Amy Tan’s books, but for some reason they always seem to fall just a little short if my expectations.

The Memory of Running

The memory of running Ron McLarty***1/2

An enjoyable, bittersweet novel with a truly unusual protagonist. I spent the entire book rooting for him even though he never truly rooted for himself. I am definitely putting more Ron McLarty on my reading list for next year.

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

Is everyone hanging out without me? Mindy Kaling ***1/2

The perfect travel book. I bought this at the airport and it got me ¾ of the way across the country. Funny & irreverent & quick, everything you need to keep you entertained and laughing on an airplane.

The Man Who Loved Books Too Much: The True Story of a Thief, a Detective, and a World of Literary Obsession

The man who loved books to much Allison Hoover Bartlett***1/2

I never knew there was such a big problem with rare book thieves – it was a great look into a world I have always been curios about. Any great book lover would enjoy this story.

The Wind Through the Keyhole (The Dark Tower, #4.5)

The wind through the keyhole Stephen King ****

For anyone who read King’s dark tower series this is a must read. Not actually part of the story this is a supplemental tale that falls somewhere between book 4 and book 5. It is a story within a story within a story. I loved it.

Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid

Why We Suck Dennis Leary ***1/2

A perfect audio book to listen to while sitting in traffic, it will make you hate yourself and all that you stand for – but who doesn’t a little bit already?

 

lazy after Christmas re-post

Stuff only I think is funny

Today I made it to the big league by finally being allowed to write for one of my favorite websites,  you can check it out here: http://www.thewvsr.com(especially if you hate Monkeys as much as I do!)  I encourage you to go back often, Jeff always has something entertaining…

Because many of you clicking through here today are first time readers I’m using this as an excuse to re-post one of my favorites from a couple years ago. for those of you who are regular readers, please enjoy an oldie but goodie:

Digression
originally posted April 2011

Barney Stinson has a theory about releasing anger called the pyramid of screaming, for those of you who watch how I met your Mother you know exactly what I’m talking about, for those of you living under a large heavy rock, here is an excerpt from his blog explain the pyramid of screaming:

THE CHAIN CIRCLE PYRAMID OF SCREAMING

(4/14/08)

HEY STUPID BLOG READERS!!! WHY DON’T YOU READ MY BLOG MORE?!?! Sorry. My boss screamed at me over a few missing schematics and I had to release some steam. Why didn’t I yell at my boss and not at you? Because that would be dumb, idiot.

You see, we all learn as children that screaming leads to results, and it’s no different in the workplace. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder, and the tradition has been screamed from generation to generation. But you can’t just scream at anybody… that would be counter-productive. That’s why it’s imperative you understand where you stand on the Pyramid of ScreamingTM.

What exactly is the Pyramid of ScreamingTM?

The Pyramid of ScreamingTM is a societal rubric that dismisses the parlor tricks of the Chain of Screaming, Scream Ladder, South Beach Screaming, and other methodologies and focuses on the golden rule of scream etiquette: You can only scream beneath you.

To illustrate how it works, here’s the scream pyramid for a professional football team:

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/how_i_met_your_mother/community/barney_blog/index.php

I bring this up because I’m not a huge fan of screaming but I am a proponent of this whole circle chain pyramid idea… I believe that it’s healthy to pass on the annoyance you get from one party onto another party – that way you don’t let all that angst get pent up inside of you…

Let me illustrate with my own example:

When I was in my early twenties (just a couple years ago) and lived in California I belonged to 24 hour fitness, perhaps the most annoying gym on the planet. I had the cheapest membership they offered and could only get into the gym on something like Tuesday and Thursday afternoons (perfect for me – built in excuse not to work out). But, the people that worked there were most exceptionally annoying. Every time I checked in I was bombarded with requests to upgrade my membership, or to buy their shirts, or to sign up for their towel service or some way give them more money.

And it wasn’t just the front desk – trainers would walk around and interrupt me on the Stairmaster and give me great advise about how more effective my work outs could be if I signed up for personal training sessions… Personal training sessions at $99 an hour (clearly these people didn’t understand I was bringing in $9.00 an hour and riding my bike to work because I couldn’t afford to put gas in my car).  I was constantly annoyed the entire time I was in that place and since I didn’t want to be full of angst all up inside me I would call them… I would call and have conversations like this:

Me: “What time are you open?

Them” This is 24 hour fitness”

Me: “So… you’ll be open when I get out of work?”

Them: “24 hours ma’am”

Me: “But I don’t think I’ll be able to leave until late tonight – like probably around 6:15, and then I might want to eat dinner, do you think I should eat dinner before I work out because I might be pretty hungry by then”

Them: “I don’t really know”

Me: “So, if I decide to eat dinner I probably won’t get there until 7:30, will you be open then?”

Them: “Yes”

Me: “Is Doug working today?

Them: “He’s out on the floor in a personal training session”

Me: “I really need to talk to him”

Them: “Are you just going to ask him how late me are open?

Me: “No”

(repeat above conversation)

I would do this over and over again – calling back to get different receptionist. My theory is they annoy me, I should return the favor – and I didn’t feel like I should pass this annoyance onto my friends and since I was making $9.00/hour there was clearly no one ‘under’ me which I could do this through work.

Which brings me to yesterday.

Yesterday I had an exceptionally bad day at work and left the office with angst building up like a pressure cooker inside of me. On my way home I thought & thought of people who deserve to be annoyed in return and immediately I decided upon the local 7-11 that I often go to while at the office.

You see this 7-11 is staffed by people bordering on hostile. I have had several altercations with them – once resulting in them chasing me through their parking lot… that’s a whole different post. But let me assure you they deserve to be in my pyramid.

So – I called and asked them to look and see how many hot dogs they had on their grill. It turns out they only had one lonely one leftover from lunch – so I politely asked if them would please put 3 dozen more on to cook because my son’s peewee hockey team just finished their last game and I was going to surprise them all with 7-11 hot dogs (their favorite!). I would be there in 20 minutes. I assured them I was for real and that I would see them soon…

See? Don’t you feel better? I do.

An impassioned plea for humanity at large

Life Lessons, stuff I don't fully understand

Try and remember what it was like to be a child. Try and remember when you where short enough to be amazed by grass and trees and caterpillars.  Try and remember a time when you believed that the world was good and there was a huge black line between right and wrong – not just a wavering gray spot.

Try and remember that life is short and that we (most likely) only have one chance to be here on this one known planet that turns carbon dioxide into oxygen and  that pours life giving water from the sky. This planet that produces the ingredients for cream filled donuts and full bodied cabernets.

We were given a chance at life: to enjoy ourselves, to feel good, to love one another, to be hedonist or philanthropists or grouchy old men who shake their fists at young whipersnapers. We were given the opportunity to be whatever we want to be be.

We all belong to one huge team of humans – there is no one else like us anywhere, we can create life and make our stay in this world amazing. We have the power to collectively draw together and make music, create art, explore the universe. We also have the ability to destroy ourselves, to turn against one another and serve as an example of a truly advanced life form that cannot contain the evil and destruction that also resides in all of us.

There are two paths, we must at some point turn back and look for the other way, because I am so afraid that we have gotten lost and taken a wrong turn. There cannot be good without evil, there cannot be light without dark – it is all about how we chose to live our lives, the actions and dreams and goals we set forth.

If you are out there and reading this and feel the need to buy a gun or harm an innocent person, if you ever contemplated the idea of getting even with civilization as a whole or just one person in particular who wronged you by making a name for yourself as a serial killer, please stop and go talk to someone. It is not our decision who gets to live or die, this judgement is bigger than any of us, bigger than all of us. Get to the root of your anger and understand that there are other ways to send a message.

I pray for us all.

And then there was this…

Holidays, Pictures, Random stuff

For those of you who don’t follow me on twitter* or stop by the house from time to time you might not be aware that last Thursday I flew out west for some fish tacos, breakfast time bloody marys and yes and some much-needed face time with my west coast friends. It’s been three years since I have either not had a child in me or hanging off of me in some fashion and with the blessing of my wonderful husband I decided to make this vacation happen – unencumbered and completely irresponsible. Go me.

I am still on vacation and when I return I will post amazing photos of our weekend stay in Catalina and of the many cocktails that have made most of this trip a hazy feel good mirage that I will some day look back on with confusion and dim understanding.

In the meantime I need to share one very very important that with you, something I nearly stumbled upon during my educational forray through the botanical gardens of Catalina.

The elusive penis cactus:

It's only for looking...
It’s only for looking…

I guess it’s natures answer to safe sex.

Anyway, believe it or not this wasnt the best part of the island, I just thought it was the most newsworthy – right now.

*I’m not really on twitter.

Honeydew

good intentions, Life Lessons, Pictures

When my husband and I bought our house many years ago it came with a big hole in the front of it. This hole served as a home to several families of neighborhood birds and also made it affordable to us and our shoestring budget. After moving in we hired some very nice contractors to evict the birds and fix the hole, mostly because the birds where not friends with the squirrels that were currently residing in our attic and also the hole created unwanted air conditioning in our master bedroom.

The hole was fixed right away and we spent the first summer in that house scraping and repainting the front facade but the damage done to the interior walls and the 85 year old plaster was pretty bad. We learned, like any good homeowners to simply stop looking at it. I parked a big chair in front of that wall and spent the next six years piling giant loads of laundry on top of it.

Last year the adjacent wall that lines the chimney also began to bubble and get soft, again a very nice masonry contractor came and fixed the problem but that wall continued to sit there and mock us with its damage. Eyes averted we continued to pretend that everything was okay.

Finally, with not so distant dreams of selling the house and buying something  more spacious and less water damaged we finally concluded the time had come  for action.

To that end, this past week my husband took off of work, moved our bed into our cramped back office/library/guest bedroom and endeavored to fix the problem.

My husband is awesome and has a number of excellent traits, working fast on a small deadline is just not one of them. He is… meticulous and precise in everything he does. When we first got together he once saw me making a salad by ripping apart lettuce all haphazardly with my hands  our relationship nearly ended there.  He brings order and organization to my otherwise chaotic and deranged life.

Needless to say I was dubious about how this whole project would go on a tight seven day deadline. I decided to document the experience – please excuse my blurry cell phone pictures (I believe I own the last phone manufactured without a flash) :

This is what our walls looked like pre-project:

Last Sunday - notice all of the variations in this blurry photo are sift spots on the wall that when touched crackle like tissue paper
Last Sunday – notice all of the variations in this blurry photo are soft spots on the wall that when touched crackle like tissue paper
Notice how here the plaster is completely disengaging itself from the pesky wall...
Notice how here the plaster is completely disengaging itself from the pesky wall…

When I came home from work on Monday night, this is what I walked in to:

Look - we live on a set of an episode of the Wire...
Look – we live on a set of an episode of the Wire…

When I arrived home on Tuesday, this is what I saw:

This may appear to the untrained eye that the only thing that happened on Tuesday was that the ladder was moved... but I was ASSURED much work went on that I could not see...
This may appear to the untrained eye that the only thing that happened on Tuesday was that the ladder was moved… but I was ASSURED much work went on that I could not see…

On Wednesday dry wall started going up:

Progress!
Progress!
sweet sweet progress
sweet sweet progress

On Thursday my sweet husband turned 39 and I found him in the shower drinking a beer when I got home (he got thirsty while showering – he wasn’t just huddled in the tub drinking alone) mostly he was celebrating getting this done:

Whao! What is that? A wall....
Whao! What is that? A wall….

We went out Thursday night to celebrate his birthday.

A quick side note to all of this: for his birthday I bought my wonderful husband a pair of slippers and a humidor. (Apparently I married my grandfather.)

On Friday I came home to find him painting the banister of our staircase, evidently the bedroom project was far enough advanced to move on to something else. I’m sorry but I didn’t get a picture of the banister.

Yesterday in preparation for his parents arrival (and my departure) later this week, we moved our bed and belongings back into our bedroom:

Look - how pretty!
Look – how pretty!

So now, I am referring to our bedroom as “Heroin Chic”… Maybe I’ll leave the really big chair that normally lives in that corner for the next owner. Two loads of laundry and you probably won’t even notice the wall.

Parenting Tips

Examples of great parenting

#1. If all else fails – put cheese on it.

#2. When taking your toddler to a bar try to sit in front of the staging area – that way your child can suck on lemons. It’s fun and staves of scurvy.

#3. It’s totally acceptable for old McDonald to have babies, treats and fairies on his farm.

#4. You’re not a bad person if you tell your child that not brushing her teeth makes Elmo cry.

#5. Make sure you have enough tiaras for everyone – even Daddy needs to be a princess sometimes.

 

 

Thankful

Holidays

In spite of all of my jadedness and angst I am so truly grateful for so many things, Lucy & my husband being top on that list –  I cannot  imagine a better family. I have wonderful friends and a warm and cozy house, $6 dollars in my pocket (that I stole from said husband) and an new unopened box of wine on the kitchen . We are all healthy and do not need for anything. Life is good.

Lucy Thanksgiving 2010
Lucy Thanksgiving 2010
Lucy Thanksgiving 2011
Lucy Thanksgiving 2011
Lucy Thanksgiving 2012
Lucy Thanksgiving 2012

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a wonderful day. I will resume my regular whining and complaining in no time…

Newsletter: Month 27

Newsletter, Uncategorized

Lucy,

This month has been amazing and was marked by two big events, the first was Hurricane Sandy which kept you inside for three very long days and allowed you to go puddle jumping when you were finally released from captivity.

Puddle Jumper!

The second was Halloween. You were SO excited about Halloween, you have been wearing your costume for almost a month now but it did not diminish your excitement to put it on on the 31st and run outside and announce to the world that you are a princess! A quick trip to the drug store for a $3 tiara and wand made it even more spectacular. You took to trick or treating like a professional – you thanked everyone diligently and as soon as you were done being polite would turn to me and say “we need to find more candy Mommy!” Of course we do sweetie…

Halloween fairy

Days followed and you still come home everyday, get your hello kitty basket out and take inventory of all of your treats.

You have become very cuddly and empathetic this month – you tell me you love me dozens of times a day and like to give hugs and kisses. When your father or I are upset about something, you will stroke our face and say “It’s okay Mommy, it’s okay Daddy.”

Sweetie Pie

You are even getting better around people you don’t know, it used to take you an hour or more to warm up to someone but now you can do it in a manner on minutes. You even allowed me to get a picture of you with your Pop Pop at his 82nd birthday party. This is a big development since you’ve always been a little scared of him.

Lucy & Pop Pop

You continue to defy us like a normal two year old but you rarely say ‘no’ anymore – you have moved on to “not yet” and “never” I am astonished at the diversity you have.

Your Nana was here visiting for a long weekend and you and she had a good time, playing on the porch and reading books and (of course) apple picking.

I call this: Lucy in the orchard with apple

Your favorite things right now are being a princess, pretending to bite out faces off and then blowing them back on to our face, watching Mickey Mouse and… Halloween candy.

so tired... from getting all the candy...

You are incredible and just keep getting better. I love you – Mommy.

Descent into Darkness

Stuff that sucks

If you take a poll most people will tell you that Fall is their favorite season. Not me. Not that I dislike it – I enjoy apple picking and all things pumpkin flavored but I am, hands down, a Spring girl. Fall is so fleeting, like someone blowing out a candle – you only have the briefest of hints at autumn crispness, a quick glance at crimson and ochre  before it all turns simply cold and brown.

And above all else Fall means one thing – the end of daylight savings time. Oh how I hate (to quote Hans Christian Anderson)  to go to bed at night and dress by yellow candle light. Perhaps it was growing up in Maine where it gets dark at approximately 3:15pm, or maybe its my recently acquired phobia of wintertime driving but right around now, every year, I feel a tightening in my chest; a hard time catching my breath. A feeling that life is short and getting shorter. It makes me want to eat my weight it pumpkin scones and Halloween candy and tuck myself into a small ball inside my extra soft and warm duvet and hibernate until the rejuvenating powers of  March swoop in to save the, once again, longer days.

I have been diligently working on eating as much Halloween candy as possible, but I have yet to get approval to take the next three months of work off… Maybe I could figure out a way to migrate instead. I hear Argentina is really nice this time of year.

Frankenstorm

Deep Thoughts, Life Lessons

I really love natural disasters. Definitely not the part where people get hurt and dreams get shattered, but I enjoy the sensationalism of it all. I equate calamities like Hurricane Sandy with events like the Olympic Games. Nothing brings society together better than potentially devastating weather events or world wide athletic ceremonies. It’s like for a small time we all stop focusing on our own problems and  concentrate our collective attention on something greater than us as individuals.

For this reason I have spent the last 48 hours glued to the TV, flipping between 24 hour coverage of the storm on the Weather Channel and 24 hour coverage on our local channels.  Hanging on every word of every press conference, tracking wind speeds here.

At one point my husband walks into the living room and informs me that there cant possibly be anything that I don’t know – that meteorologist should start calling me for updated information.  I had to hand him the remote as I admitted that he needed to change the channel because I could not physically do it.

For all intents and purposes Hurricane Sandy was a non-event in my small section of Philadelphia, but that doesn’t detract from anything except maybe the let down that there wont be another 48 hours of aftermath coverage. Of course if it was bad enough to have two days of aftermath coverage chances are I wouldn’t have electricity to watch it.

I am contemplating a generator for Christmas…

Mommy’s Little Helper

Examples of great parenting, ,

One of the most amazing things about my daughter is her stoicism, she is unlike most two year old that I know in that she does not complain when she is sick, or in pain. She falls and more often than not gets right back up and continues on. When she gets sick we often don’t know it until it gets out of hand and her doctor looks at us like a DPW worker when we do finally take her in to get checked out. This was exemplified last week when Lucy was complaining that there where ‘bubbles in her ears’ and we laughed and said everything was fine and she probably just needed all the wax cleaned out.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning when her daycare called because she had a 103 degree fever and a trip to the doctor confirmed she had a ‘raging ear infection’ one so bad that her doctor was surprised Lucy hadn’t been crying in pain for days… Hardcore antibiotic treatments and the ear pain started to go away but they did nothing for the lingering, hacking cough that accompanied the infection.

The three of us had two sleepless nights rocking Lucy and trying to get her to drink some water to help her unrelenting cough. By Friday morning we were all tired, cranky and on our last thin nerves. And then my husband, my glorious husband discovered children’s Nyquil – safe for children two and over. I don’t know where he got it, I don’t care that the entire box is printed in a mix of Mexican and Cantonese. I didn’t ask any questions.

Channeling her inner ancestry and all of the generations of substance abusers that came before her, Lucy loves medicine, she gets so excited whenever she’s allowed to drink cherry flavored syrup or gets drops in her eyes. She was just as thrilled with this third world, back alley Nyquil as we were.

And it worked. She got drugged every four hours through the night for the next three nights until her cough had gotten better and she was able to sleep on her own.

She’s better now and doesn’t seem to be permanently scared in any way. She not shaking with withdraw or anything. I am adding this new remedy to the basket of goodies I buy all my friends when they find themselves with child.

Happy Day.

A brief mid-life freak out

Life Lessons, Stuff that sucks

I’ve never worried too much about getting old. I grew up in a large family where, no matter how you ran the numbers, I always ended up being the youngest; always sat at the kids table. I’ve been referred to as “Babydoll” and now, “Aunt Babydoll” for as long as I can remember.

Every birthday I think – it’s okay, I might be 30 but I am still younger than… fill in any family name here.

This all changed yesterday, when upon my arrival at work, I went to bathroom and found…

wait for it…

my first gray hair. Gray hair? WTF? Babydoll’s do not get gray hair.

What’s next spider veins and age spots? Is it one quick slide from here to liquefied diets and adult diapers?

I don’t want to appear melodramatic but I’m not sure there is that much time left between now and when I find myself being fitted for a new set of teeth.

Ah!

Newsletter: Month 26

Newsletter, ,

Lucy,

You no longer need help to walk down a flight of stairs, you can climb up into my bed without any assistance. When your Dad and I do something you don’t like you wag your finger and say “enough of that”. You want to know what every thing is – and when I tell you, you always like it: “What’s that Mommy?” “That’s a pot holder” “I like pot holders.” or “what’s that Mommy?” “That’s doggy poop” “I like doggy poop.” Once while we were out to dinner you asked Daddy what the check was and he said “This is my credit card, it’s how we pay for stuff” and you said, “I like paying for stuff.”

oh... cuteness!

You are obsessed with cheese – you can eat the ricotta lasagna mix straight from the bowl like most kids would eat cake batter or cookie dough. You love singing the ABC song, you sing it on average about 583 times a day.

This is the reason there is so much hair in the lasagna...

You have a teacher at daycare named Kayla and you are obsessed with her too, you are always telling us that you like Kayla, or wonder what Kayla is doing, or sing happy birthday to Kayla whenever we lite candles. We’ve started lighting a candle during dinner for no other reason because it is fun and you like it and you automatically assume that it must be someones birthday – usually Kayla’s, or Lucy’s.

Cheese

You took a Daddy/Daughter trip to North Carolina this month, you spent a week with your grandparents and when you returned you seemed to have aged by years. You had a wonderful time and are still talking about it.

Shall we discuss my retirement savings?

You can count to 10 now, without making mistakes, and sometimes even make it to 20, but not always. You have become interested in potty training, or more precisely wearing the Hello Kitty underwear your grandmother got you. One morning this month, you got right up and peed in the potty, I put you in a pair of panties, but they only lasted about an hour when you peed in your high chair during breakfast and then tried to climb in my lap and give me hugs.

Where's my panties?

We had our second annual block party and you spent 12 straight hours in the bouncy house, when it left I told you that it went to live on the moon, so you would stop asking me where it was and why we couldn’t go visit it. We went on our first picnic which you thought was great  and in general have had so much fun and so many laughs this month, you are amazing – you make the sunshine brighter and the world seem better.
Bouncy House!!!

I love you, Mommy

Silver Lining

Life Lessons

There are many loathsome soul sucking reasons to dislike my job. Mostly its the people, the location, the mission… well its almost everything. But I believe the universe knew what it was doing when it compelled me to turn down a job at an established, accredited, nationally ranked University to work in the ghetto teaching “college” students where the control, alt and delete button are all located. And this reason is a certain little MINDBLOWING tradition –  I call it the cupcake sandwich.

It works like this, you have a cupcake, you know like this:

cupcake

And you could eat it and it would be good and you would move on and thank  your lovely neighbor who made it for you.

OR…

You could cut it in half and turn the top upside down and make a cupcake sandwich:

cupcake freaking sandwhich!

And in an instant you have the equivalent of a cream filled donut. No longer will you have to endure a full bite of only frosting or only cupcake. Suddenly equilibrium is achieved!

Oh happy day, happy day.

That’s Mr. Guinness to you…

Random stuff, stuff I don't fully understand

Every time our dog Guinness feels like he isn’t getting enough attention he fakes injuries. I know… I know, but hear me out. The first time it happened was when our 18-year-old cat hurt her shoulder and she limped around the house for a few days until we decided to take her to the vet. Not being pleased to travel she spent her time at the vets blinding two assistants and setting fire to the exam room. On the way home she peed on me and ripped the shirt I was wearing entirely in two – I decided that she must be feeling better. When we got home from the cat vet Guinness (unaware of the anxiety riddled visit) started limping… and I could just see the little wheels in his doggie brain spinning:

“Wow, Ruka gets an awful lot of attention when she’s hurt, she even gets to ride in the car!”

He limped for a day or two and then we made him an appointment as well, in his excitement to get to go for a car ride he forgot he was supposed to be limping and bounded into the back seat, ran into the vets office and after a thorough check up was pronounced completely healthy.

Last night while Jason was packing to leave on his trip Guinness started limping again, looking dejected and following him around the house…

“ouch my paw… you can’t go anywhere it hurts so bad”

We examined his paw and there was nothing wrong with it. And then as soon as Jason was out the door this morning he looked at me, as if resigned, and started walking normally again.

Any of you who have ever met Guinness and knows he really is just a pretty face are probably stunned by his cunning, I know I am.

Call it anthropomorphizing  if you want but I think some day we might all being praying to his statue.

A couple of disconnected thoughts

Deep Thoughts, Random stuff, Stuff only I think is funny

Today’s piece of useless knowledge on my iGoogle homepage is “The male sea lion may have more than 100 wives.”  It’s interesting because I had no idea that sea lions had a marriage ceremony.

Today I registered a new student to our schools whose name is… Remington Steele. Really? It makes me think of this: http://daddy-drinks.com/2012/09/24/name-envy/ every new parent should really think twice…

I decided a little while ago that in an effort to make my commute more tolerable I would start listening to audio books and now I am obsessed with audio books… I just finished my first one and am anxiously awaiting my next. The only problem is that I have completely lost touch with the real world. The radio was my last tenuous  connection to anything remotely newsworthy. I only watch DVRd TV in the evening, I fast forward through commercials like its an Olympic sport, I am barely conscience of the upcoming… um… election. This morning I had a sad reality check when Perez Hilton told me about Amanda Bines’s last hit and run… these are events I need to know about people.

Newsletter: Month 25

Newsletter, , ,

Lucy,

I know it seems superfluousness to keep marking your birthday in months instead of switching to years like most normal people. But you should know by now that I am miles and miles from normal. And to that end will continue with your monthly newsletter until you’re in college or I get stuck in an iron lung or whatever…

Pretty lady

This month has been amazing. You are still entrenched in your terrible two phase and we often refer to you as our “little dictator” but it’s definitely not all bad. You understand so much and can communicate so well that we are able to have complex conversations about all manner of things – usually lollipops, cats or bubbles.

A vision in blue

You speak in full sentences now and always want to know what people are doing: “What’s Daddy doing?” “What’s Nana doing?” and you retain information that both your father and I cannot. A couple nights ago we were giving you a bath and I asked your Dad what book you had read the night before, he couldn’t remember but you looked up at us and said “It was the blueberry one Daddy”. Awesome.

Cheese!

This month you and I made a sojourn to Maine. Just the two of us in the car for 9 hours at a time. We had a great time. You are such a good traveler and have no trouble entertaining yourself or napping for long stretches.

Fishy fish face

While we were up north we got to visit with Nana and Popo and your Uncle Jason & Aunt Shannon from out west. We got to attend your Aunt Mindy’s wedding and see all of your cousins. This was all a little overwhelming for you but we made it through and we had some great quiet time on the porch and in the lake and I really enjoyed our time together.

Quiet time with Nana

Also, this month the most fantastic thing happened, last Sunday morning you and I were snuggled together on the couch watching the Micky Mouse Clubhouse (your favorite show) and you looked up at me and said (totally unprovoked) “I love you Mommy”. It was amazing.

Flower girl

Your favorite things right now are picking out your own clothes, telling us what to do, repeating everything we say, trains & the muppet theme song. You are also a very good helper, you love to help make dinner, or clean up or fetch things, you like being useful.

I love you so much.
Mommy

This is what happens when I go to the post office at lunch…

Random stuff, Stuff only I think is funny

One of the 43,000 things I do not understand is why postal workers feel compelled to educate you on the inner workings of the priority mail weight calculations or the exact regulations of what qualifies for media mail. Does this happen to everyone or do I simply look exceptionally interested in the mail? I once had a job where I spent hours/days/weeks at the post office and everyday it seemed like I was lectured to about bulk mailing weights and whatnot. And then, of course, there was the time where I was practically forced to join a crooked pyramid scheme (but that’s another post for another day).

Today I went to the post office and was schooled on how California has a different way of calculating first class mail and how I could pay less if I wanted to mail something heavier. I told her I didn’t have anything else that needed to go but at that moment I had a brief insight into her life outside of the USPS, sitting down eating dinner with her husband as she chirps excitedly, “today we got an internal memo that California is going to start calculating their first class mail differently – we had to re-calibrate all of the scales…!” as her husbands eyes glaze over and he reaches for the remote and she decides that perhaps she should impart this wisdom on someone actually AT the post office. It’s probably a lot like being a nuclear physicist, who else can you talk to but other nuclear physicists?

In other news, I stopped at Wawa to get lunch and decided on a fruit & cheese platter with hummus on the side, apparently my brain was already on happy hour mode at 11:45am.