All posts by Becca

You would think there would be some intermediate step between Sex & the City and Roseanne

August 29, 2012Examples of great parenting, Life LessonsBecca

There was a time in my life when I was urban chic and I wore heals to work and I bought wine in bottles and I had a professional highlight my hair. I lived in the city and tried to channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw. I swore that when I had kids I would teach them French and not let them watch TV and feed them only wholesome organic food. Unfortunately I have noticed a marked decline in recent years of my chic-ness and last night I believe I reached an all time low.

I drove home from work in my subcompact car, took off my 2 year old beat up flats and poured myself a large glass of wine out of the box in the refrigerator. I parked Lucy in front of the TV and went into the kitchen to make HAMBURGER HELPER for dinner. Hamburger helper! that is neither organic nor wholesome nor even made with real cheese. And what’s worse is that when grocery shopping this week I opted for the cheaper meat – you know the 80/20 instead of the 90/10. I served the Hamburger Helper with white bread and butter (I hang my head in shame).

I don’t know when my inner Carrie Bradshaw was snuffed out and replaced with an alcoholic Rosanne Conner, but when I was upstairs later, a little drunk and trimming my hair with cuticle scissors I thought its high time for a new outfit and a night on the town.

Yet another reason we need to move to a better school district

August 26, 2012Random stuff, Things that confuse meBecca

I have spent a life time answering stupid questions, perhaps it’s because of my career path and all the years I worked in customer service, but now that I am a librarian it’s gotten 100 times worse. People come to me to ask me all manner or bizarre and often times droll questions (i.e. “what’s a synapsis?” “what’s a thumb drive for?”) and it makes me wonder what they are teaching in high school these days.

But, last week I got one that made me do that double look “Whaaa?” face. A student was in the library buying hair extensions on-line when she turns to me and asks, “How come they are still making iPhones if that guy is dead?”

Hm. What?

So, I saved the retention report I was working on and took a moment to explain how Apple is a huge corporation that still employs many people who are working on manufacturing and developing the iPhone. I tell her that it wasnt just Steve Jobs sitting in his dining room constructing each phone by hand.

A look of pure shock & revelation came across her face and says “Oh, I never thought of that before I thought it was just him doing it.”

It makes me want to revive my love of calling random strangers and look up the number to the Philadelphia Public School system and call them and ask them where they went wrong.

Stopping to smell the flowers

August 21, 2012PicturesBecca

Because I love muppets

July 26, 2012Deep Thoughts, Random stuffBecca

I think I’m going to start referring to myself in the 3rd person – you know like channel my inner Elmo, except I’ll say things like:

Becca doesn’t really want to go to work today.

Becca is all out of wine.

Becca is a super genius and you should give her lots of love and money.

Do you think this is weird? I really feel like it will catch on.

Return of daily* random thoughts

July 22, 2012Random stuff, Stuff only I think is funnyBecca

I love bacon – I’m not really sure why more things aren’t infused with it – like butter or kale. I don’t think I’m alone in my dream of one day being able to walk into my local Target and picking up a bottle of bacon scented bubble bath… I think when people argue whose the bigger super power, us or China they should keep in mind who invented the loaded bake potato.

I do not have many skills, when people ask me what I’m good I really need to reach and say things like “I have very neat penmanship” or “I can drink an entire bottle of wine with dinner” so far, none of these ‘accomplishments’ have landed me a job or gotten me a date (ok, maybe that last one)… Some people can speak multiple languages, or operate on new-born babies. It makes me glad that no one has had the need to put me in charge of the UN or insisted that I cut them open.

Ever since my surgery I feel like my the amount of random chin hairs that sprout on my face from time to time has dramatically increased. It makes me wonder if there is a connection between ones small intestines and facial hair follicles.

*Daily in this instance equates to sporadic

In case you were curious…

July 15, 2012PicturesBecca

This is how you rock the side ponytail:

Dear Internet, it’s me Becca

June 27, 2012Stuff that sucksBecca

I don’t want this to turn into one of those posts where I just complain at all of you about things that you don’t want to hear about and have no control over. But I have very little to talk about except the fact that despite my upgrade to a post surgical bland diet and the ability to eat food like flan I still have had one crappy week where I haven’t felt good for longer than an hour at a time and only then because I took more medicine than was advisable.

I don’t really know what to do or why I’m writing to the internets, like some grand pull of strength from the world wide web could somehow heal me; I can only physically endure so much discomfort, only so much of not being able to pick up my daughter, and only so much of asking my Mom to fetch me things that I need, before I have to start venting about it to the world at large.

Today we were going to try to go out to lunch, out while the exterminator came to destroy our new wasp population (it’s all fun and games here). But after attempting to get out of bed multiple times I gave up and barely made it out to sit on my porch while the man with the noxious chemicals dispersed them throughout the house.

To add a little salt to the already fetid wound, I got the first bill from the hospital – I’m pretty sure that common decency requires that they give you enough time to properly heal before asking you for money.

Again, I don’t know why I’m bothering you all with this – maybe somehow my current situation can simply make you feel better about what ever is going on in your lives.

Post Surgical Bland

June 25, 2012UncategorizedBecca

For those of you who live under a rock or do not text me on a regular basis, you might not be aware that a week ago my small intestine tried to choke the life out of my uterus and I ended up having emergency abdominal surgery to remove over two feet of my possessed cannibalistic innards.

This is just a prime example of the kind of luck that I have. It happened at my new job the first day I was to step up and officially take over for the outgoing person in my position. I got to be rushed to the hospital by a woman I barely know as I groaned in agony, hoping that my stomach would not explode all over the inside of her very nice, very clean Lincoln Navigator.

It was a wonderful bit of irony that allowed me to decide to wear a completely impractical pair of old spanx-type underwear to work that day. They were like old beat up bike shorts that were full of runs and much to tight on my stomach to be comfortable – by the time people were poking and looking down in my underwear region, they were rolled down, sweaty and exactly the reason your Mother tells you to wear nice clean underwear when you leave the house… in case this happens. You know you are in a lot of pain when you finally ask your sister to help you rip off your spanx-wear and start walking around the hospital with your entire butt exposed. There comes a point when you just don’t care anymore.

Since pre-hospital I have been dieting like a professional my last thought as I succumbed to anesthesia in the operating room was I wonder who much two feet of intestines weighs? Weight loss was helped after surgery because I was not allowed to eat or drink anything for four days.. and since I felt so shitty I didn’t really care – I thought this is the best diet boost ever. (I am currently down five pounds since the surgery and wondering how much other superfluous organs weigh – like my appendix or my tail bone?)

Post surgery I spent five days in the hospital dealing with a myriad of competencies. I had nurses that were awesome and understanding and compassionate and I had a couple that scared me – one I nicknamed scatterbrained Jane who I checked with twice every time she tried to inject me with something because I’m pretty sure she thought I was someone else, I picked up on this when she tried to send me downstairs for an ultrasound (something that I did not need and had nothing to do with my recovery process)… One night I had a nurse who was a perfect blend of Kathy Bates in Misery and the woman who declared the house from Poltergeist to be clean. I spent a sleepless night watching for her to sneak into my room and break my ankles.

I knew I was getting better and was ready to come home when I started getting hungry and my diet was changed from nothing – to clear liquids – to post surgical bland. You know things are improving when you get excited for flan.

P.S. I do know that my tail bone is not an organ…

non sequitur

June 8, 2012Deep Thoughts, Random stuff, Stuff only I think is funnyBecca

While visiting my lady doctor this morning for my yearly violation I was asked by her medical assistant what I did for a living. I paused for probably like 5 seconds too long and then said (for the first time ever) “I’m a… librarian” I thought for a minute that maybe she wouldn’t believe me – that she’d think I was trying to deceive her. I pictured in my head a scene right out of the Princess Bride where she turned to me like Miracle Max and yelled “LIAR! LIAR!” and I ended up mumbling dejectedly “I’m not a witch – I’m a librarian” I don’t know why my mind always reverts to things like this… I am mean I am a librarian it’s just that I’ve never uttered it out loud until now. But instead she looked at me and said “oh, cool.”

Did you know it’s cool to be a librarian?

Back when I lived in California I had several lesbian friends and their code word for lesbian was ‘librarian’. They would invite me places and I would say things like “This isn’t one of those librarian parties is it?” (It always was).

I’m afraid for the rest of my life every time I say I’m a librarian everyone is going to secretly label me as a lesbian.

Sometimes I just need to get out of my own head.

Wherein I use the word underwear seven time, and oh yeah I mention MY.NEW.JOB.

May 24, 2012Life LessonsBecca

After eight and a half months, 34 job interviews, one teaching presentation and four trips to the dry cleaners I can finally conclude this episode of job hunters. I would like to thank my sponsor – the office of unemployment compensation.

I don’t know what happened yesterday, maybe it’s what didn’t happen. Let me back up, I tend to be a little superstitious about certain things – like I can only buy lottery tickets with single dollars, I have to get a random pick and I’m not allowed to look at the numbers until they are drawn. When it comes to interviewing I have a lucky hair clip, I have lucky underwear – I have to be there exactly ten minutes early… I spend a lot of my time worrying about things that (apparently) don’t matter.

Yesterday I went in for the aforementioned teaching presentation; while getting ready I decided to kick it up a notch and wear my wedding underwear. I decided a little extra luck couldn’t hurt, I don’t usually wear my wedding underwear although if we are being honest meeting my husband was probably the luckiest thing that ever happened to me, but you know for the wedding I went for looks, not so much for comfort and well… it itches. (Is this too much information? Remember no one is making you read this). So I was all suited up and… itchy and when I went to do my hair I couldn’t find my lucky clip – it was no where. This is a bad bad omen because I don’t have a back up, there is no semi-lucky clip. There’s just the one I found under the bed while looking for the good one. A totally untested clip I was completely unfamiliar with. I hoped that my extra good underwear would somehow level out my luck quota back to where it should be.

Because of this serious dilemma I was running late getting to my interview – I got there only 5 minutes ahead of schedule and instead of having a few minutes to compose myself and inconspicuously adjust my underwear I was immediately whisked into the library where all the program directors where already sitting and waiting for me. I launched directly into my presentation and envisioned them all sitting there in their uncomfortable fancy pants underwear.

As soon as I was done I was sent away with a dismissive wave of a hand and a promise someone would ‘be in touch’. The whole way home I cursed my missing hair clip – if only it had been tortoise-shell and not black I would have done so.much.better. I wondered if I had any singles so I could stop and pick up a lottery ticket (to balance out the universe and you know… make me not care that I would probably never hear from them again).

They called an hour later and offered me the position. I double checked that they knew who they were talking to ( to avoid any potentially embarrassing scenes later on). They assured me they called the right person, that they thought I did a great job and gave me all the details.

I can’t tell you what a HUGE weight has been lifted. I mean, I am very excited for this opportunity and to work at the place I will be working (purposely vague) but I am more grateful not to spend hours everyday scouring the internet for job opportunities, not to sit by the phone every day and wait for good or bad news, not to be disappointed again and again because I was beat out by someone with more education, better experience, luckier underwear. Now, I can change my voicemail message back to something stupid and funny, I can return my sister’s briefcase I can start saving money and planning for the future.

YEA.

Maine Photo Montage

May 16, 2012Pictures, VacationsBecca

This past weekend my sister, nephew, Lucy & I drove to Maine to attend the funeral services of our Grandmother Ginny. Despite the reason for the trip we had a really great time. I was concerned that being enclosed in a vehicle with my sister for 24 hours in 4 days might result in serious injury or psychotic breakdown – but we managed to weather the ride just fine. I was able to say things like “You two in the back, keep your hands to yourself. Don’t make your Aunt turn this car around!” There was one part of the trip where Lucy wouldn’t stop humming (really loud), and my nephew was telling us that she was stinky over and over and over again… I just put my head down and went to my happy place while I let my sister find a place where we could change her, at the end we became a dynamic team.

Being in Maine is always wonderfully relaxing and this past weekend was no exception, it was cool in the morning and evening – enough to have a fire in the wood stove and warm enough in the afternoon to go outside and play. Ginny’s service was nicely done and sad as these things go but I hope to be lucky enough to live to 94 and be in good spirits at the end.

This week it’s back to job hunting and interviewing but before I go into all that here are some pictures to document our trip:

Stir Crazy

April 26, 2012Random stuff, space travelBecca

There are days since I have been unemployed that I relish in my hermit-like tendencies. I will keep the shades drawn and not even think about getting out of my sweats until after lunchtime. I think about how little I miss the stress and demands of holding down a job and speaking in complete sentences. I bond with my friends of HGTV and utilize text messaging to keep in touch with the outside world. There is definitely a part of me that yearns to live in an experimental bio dome or on the international space station with limited social interaction.

But there are other days, the other side of me that wants to badly to have a purpose and responsibility again. Part of me that craves conversations with adult human people. Conversations that do not center around if the dishwasher is clean or dirty or how many diapers we have left. On these days I want a reason to shower everyday, to put on pants that aren’t jeans and feel like I contribute to our household.

Recently I have had many more of the later days than the former. Maybe it was because just a week and a half ago I was in the final running for three really good job opportunities. Thoughts of getting back into the work force and dusting off my black pants had gotten me excited and pushed my inner-hermit into the back seat. Now, I am down to one option, the other two being ‘very sorry’ and wanting me to know ‘it was a tough decision but…’ I am holding my breath and not going anywhere without my blackberry.

Yesterday, going completely stir crazy I decided that I needed to run errands that didn’t really need running, I just had to talk to people. Ironically after three different stops I never actually uttered a word. I pumped my own gas, I scanned my own groceries and spent some quality time with a drive-up ATM machine.

I wonder if I should call NASA and see if the space station needs a librarian.

Lucy Garden

April 19, 2012PicturesBecca

It’s amazing what you can grow with a little sunshine, water & ivy.

Newsletter: Month 20

April 13, 2012NewsletterBecca

Lucy,

One week ago you turned twenty months. Because of job interviews and ample amounts of gin (not together) I am way behind on this newsletter. This past month has been wonderful, we were able to go away on a family vacation and while we were away learned many valuable lessons, like if given the opportunity you like to do your own hair:

We learned that you are not a fan of heights:

And we learned that your favorite place is (still) at the beach:

Aside from our vacation you have made a lot of progress with communication, you can tell me lots of things that before were simply guesses on my part. Up until last week your favorite word was “more” – whatever you had you always wanted “more” of it. You have recently switched that up and your favorite work has become “Mine!” but that is a development that really belongs in your next newsletter.

You have become more and more a Daddy’s girl and when he’s not around you are always asking for him, when he is around you are all over him. You have learned to give real kisses, not just open mouth slobbery ones now, but pucker up and deliver good smacks.

You have gone back and forth between being a good eater and not touching a single thing we give you – but we can still usually count on your eating fish, yogurt, cheese and of course cookies, which is not only one of your favorite foods but also one of your favorite words.

You continue to be a good sleeper and have started sleeping in pretty much consistently until 8:00 on the mornings that you don’t have to get up for daycare, all of us appreciate this very much. You also continue to be enamored of the dog and cat, you will start asking for them before we get home. They are, unfortunately, pretty wary of you – the dog, or ‘pooches’ as you call him would rather sit upstairs by himself than allow himself to be given Lucy hugs and while the cat is more tolerant she still refuses to let you ride her even though she is the perfect height for you to throw a leg over…

The weather has gotten a lot better and we spend nearly every afternoon outside collecting rocks, digging in dirt and playing with the kids in our neighborhood, here you are in your favorite dirt hole:

This month you really blossomed into a little girl, it’s amazing to watch you grow up and discover more and more, to see you start to connect the dots on things like how conversations work, how to throw a ball or even how to pay attention during story time.

I love you so much – Mama

I would call it ‘designed to work’ or maybe ‘job hunters’

April 6, 2012Random stuff, UncategorizedBecca

Since being laid off I have watched more HGTV than any 22 normal people should. I like the fact that every show is only 30 minutes long and do not require my full attention. It’s programming that only needs 2 minutes in the beginning and another 2 at the end – 4 minutes is really about all I want to devote to TV while I am applying for jobs, or folding the laundry or gazing aimlessly into space. Also I really like that there is no anxiety producing shows, I mean no one is getting hurt, there are no murders to solve and I find myself relatively unconcerned if someone makes a wrong color choice or mixes patterns incorrectly.

Because of this immersion I cant help but compare my search for a job to certain HGTV programming… I feel like six months ago I was a dated ranch house put on the market sure that my charm and character would win over any potential buyer, I mean employer. After three months on the market I finally broke down and contacted my career coach (aka stager) she completely updated my online presence, my resume my cover letter style – she branded me and I reluctantly allowed myself to be made over.

It was clear that is worked, suddenly my phone was ringing more often – I was in demand. In other words my dated 70’s ranch was suddenly transformed into the 21st century. I am currently in contention for three serious offers, nothing concrete yet but it makes me feel like a house hunter saying things like “well #1 comes with a bright spacious office and center city views, #2 is a quiet cubicle in an unknown corner of a back office & #3 is a desk directly behind an open counter where students will congregate all day long.” Location, location, location…

If only I could call Suzanne Wang and have her help me decide.

Video Tuesday

April 3, 2012VideosBecca

A couple of videos of Lucy, including her new somersault trick and a cameo by the cat. Pay no attention to our discussion of missing fingers, or my stupid pitchy whiny voice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsxBYFrV5Rw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr4rSLi0M6c&feature=youtu.be

Enjoy!

100!!!

March 31, 2012Stuff only I think is funnyBecca

It has taken me one year and seven days but I have done it – I have gotten to the 100th post. I wish I had something interesting to write about…

Seems like I should mark this occasion with something memorable – I was hoping to do it in the form of a subtle announcement of newly gained riches but alas the mega millions has alluded me just like every other lottery opportunity I have extensively explored in the past six months. But really who needs the headache of managing hundreds of millions of dollars… makes me tired just thinking of all of the phone calls I would have to avoid for the rest of my life. Of course anyone who really knows me would counter with the fact that I never answer my phone now and my current financial situation often finds me browsing at BJs for a lunch of mini quiches. Maybe things wouldn’t change that much, I could just stop hoarding so many free samples.

In other news Lucy learned to do a somersault all by herself last night, it was pretty awesome how excited she was and how very weary the animals are now of having her feet randomly landing on them. It will be awhile before she understands the spatial requirements for rolling her entire body over her head.

Yesterday in a job interview I was asked by one of the directors of the organization “what is wrong with you? I mean I’ll know in six months anyway, you might as well tell me now…” I answered with “I am just so awesome, no one really understands how awesome I am. If you hire me, in six months we will go to lunch and you will tell me that you now understand how hard it is to be me and live in this world of mediocrity.” My career coach has been constantly telling me I can’t have any modesty in job interviews. I really hope I get a call back…

To conclude this random hodgepodge of disjoined thoughts, I would like to leave you with this – Lucy from 1 year and 7 days ago & Lucy now:

A lighthearted missive about last week’s vacation

March 27, 2012Pictures, VacationsBecca

[Editors note: I would like to preface this entire post by saying that I just finished a heartbreaking novel about the Holocaust and nothing puts family into perspective quite like the Holocaust]

I have, what I would consider, to be a high percentage of friends whose biological parents are still together. I think this is weird, I mean even my husband’s parents are still on their first marriage. Personally I find it reassuring, I didn’t wait until I was 30-ah hem-something to get married if I didn’t want to be sure that I was mature enough to make the right decision. But, at the same time, I kind of feel bad for people who have limited choices of relatives to spend time with.

Thanks to my parents and their inability to stay together I have a surplus of factions within my immediate family with whom I can choose to hang out. I have step, half & whole siblings, I have parents, step parents and that woman who most recently married my father. In short, I have options and options are pretty cool.

I know it’s not possible for everyone to get along all the time and quite frankly if it wasn’t for an excess of booze I might not have half the close relationships I have. (Thanks booze!) What’s the point I am trying to make? That life is short and bad things happen to good people and if we don’t take the time to cherish the relationships that we have, however tenuous and long distanced they are than we are really short-changing ourselves.

I certainly should never be used as an example of good decision-making or righteousness but what I learned from both last week and German occupied France is that you need to hold onto what is important, you need to pass as much of that on to your children as possible and so you can experience stuff like this:

Nana & PoPo

Progress

March 11, 2012Deep Thoughts, Examples of great parentingBecca

This winter has been exceptionally mild and easy to deal with and I know that I have very little room for complaining but I am so excited nonetheless for the resumption of daylight savings time. I feel like everything gets better when the days get longer, you have more time to spend with friends and family, you don’t have to put on sweat pants and huddle under a blanket promptly at 6:00pm. It’s like a new lease on life and I am thrilled THRILLED it is here. Big *sigh* of happy.

I am hoping this spring also brings the end of the uncertainty of unemployment, either by finally finding that perfect job or by the arrival of publisher clearing house and an over sized check. However it plays out, I am ready to move on and not spend my days in flux wondering what’s coming around the next corner. Being home with Lucy and watching her grow during this amazing and transitional time has been priceless but I am quickly falling behind on my five-year plan and the small enjoyments of day-to-day life with her right now are somewhat inconsequential if we fail in our big plan.

Oh the sad realities of adult responsibilities.

On a lighter note, I know Lucy is growing up because last night when she peed on her carpet, she pointed to it, said “mess” and got a washcloth out of her clothes hamper and tried to wipe it up…. It makes a Mother proud 🙂

Angry Fairy

March 9, 2012PicturesBecca

Apologies To The Parents I Judged Four Years Ago

March 8, 2012UncategorizedBecca

Great article. I also judged parents mercilously before becomming a Mom, now I think seseame street is a great babysitter and sometimes it’s okay to have goldfish and grapes for dinner… We all can only do what we can. Love your kids and don’t worry what the 23 year old behind you in line at Khols thinks.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

One Groovy baby

February 24, 2012PicturesBecca

Adventues in parenting… and carpet cleaning.

February 21, 2012Examples of great parenting, Life LessonsBecca

Recently Lucy has started trying to help me in all sorts of ways – she likes to pick things up, unpack groceries… stuff like that. I try to encourage this – you know because I’m so lazy. However last Friday I learned two very important lessons 1.) She’s a little too young to really be helpful and 2.) It’s important to pay attention.

Last Friday morning we were out running errands trying to get supplies for my first book club meeting. Have I mentioned Susan & I started a book club? I think our nerd meters just clicked up another level. Anyway, I was out buying cupcakes and wine… standard book club fair. I stopped at a bakery, you know like a real bakery, not the one in the back of the grocery store. Look at me being all fancy pants.

The bakery gave us a dozen individual desserts including handmade crème puffs and red velvet cupcakes in a cute pink I’ve-been-to-the-bakery box. I gently carried it to the car and set it on the floor of the front seat and Lucy & I made three more stops before coming home. Once home, hands full, I carried the bakery box and bags of groceries out of the car and set them on the table on the front porch while I searched for the keys that I had had in my hand not 10 seconds ago. Once I got the door open Lucy, being helpful grabbed the bag containing the bakery box and tried to carry it inside, she banged it on the ground, dragged it to the door, over the threshold, knocked it against the door jam, ran inside and in her excitement to be home did a little twirl which launched the cute pink box out of the bag spilling most of its contents onto the living room rug. The dog was instantly on the scene eating one crème puff in a single gulp and getting a honey bun stuck to his front paw.

Fast forward to 5:00 that evening, we were upstairs so that I could change my clothes and try to appear less ‘unemployed.’ Lucy was helping by bringing me things that I didn’t need out of the bathroom. I was standing in the closet; I knew she was sitting behind me playing with some treasure from the bathtub. I located the shirt I was searching for and turned to her to discover that the treasure she had found was her bath soap, and not the little one we use every day but the big refill bottle – you know the 48oz bottle? Somehow she had managed to pry the top off and poured the entire 48 oz of Johnson & Johnson head to toe wash all over her and the carpet in our bedroom.

It’s super important to pay attention and in the future I’ll make sure to carry the cupcakes myself.